Laces: A Skyloft Tale
by Legend of Zelda Fanatic Girl
Summary: I am warning you that this is weird and random, so don't expect it to make sense! Finally complete. One day, Link cannot go to the restroom, and it leads to all sorts of strange events, including possessed instructors and a crazy new staff member at Skyloft Knight Academy! It could all lead up to the end of Skyloft as we know it...
1. One day, Zelda was bored in class

One day, Zelda was bored in class because she had finished her work before everyone else. She decided to stare off next to her and daydream. She stared off for several minutes, but before long, someone started poking her with their pencil.

"Zelda! Zelda! Zel-da!" Zelda heard. She turned around. Her best friend, Karane was poking her with her pencil.

"What?!" asked Zelda, peeved.

"Zelda, why are you staring at Link like that?" asked Karane.

"What?! I wasn't staring at Link! I was daydreaming!" admitted Zelda.

"You were looking right at him," said Karane. "You LOVE to look at Link."

"Do not!" said Zelda. "Link just happens to be across the aisle from me."

"Then pay attention and mind your own business!" snapped Karane.

"Well, you're just Little Miss Sunshine today," said Zelda.

"Shut up!" said Karane.

Zelda resumed her staring off when she noticed that Link was not doing his work either. Link was looking at her. Wait, that was probably just Zelda's imagination. Why would Link be looking at her? Zelda felt kind of blanked out. "Do your work, Link," she whispered, after she shook her head out of the fog. Link just put his head in his hands and stared at her. Okay, now he was looking at her. But why?!


	2. Link, why!

"Link, why?!" said Zelda.

Link just smiled sneakily and snorted, then continued staring at her.

Zelda tried to ignore him, but she could feel his eyes piercing her.

"Do you want a staring contest, Link?" asked Zelda.

Link shook his head no and got out of his seat.

"Sit back down, Link!" Zelda snapped.

"Oh, look, he wants you!" teased Karane.

"No, Link. SIT. DOWN!" cried Zelda.

There was a test going on, and the teacher had left the room during the test.

"No way!" said Link who really didn't know how to talk… all that much, at least. "Can I put my hand to your faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace?"

Shocked that Link had said a full sentence, Zelda stepped back.

"No Link! This whole class will be ruined because you're being distracting! WHY?!" said Zelda.

"Link like," said Link.

"Forget it! Sit down!" said Zelda.

"Zelda, you're not the boss," said Karane. "Leave your boyfriend alone."

"He's not my boyfriend!" said Zelda.

"WHA-?" said Link, stopping short of a potty dance.

"Link, do you need to potty?" asked Sick Groose.

"Yeh!" said Link, the only one standing up in the classroom.

"Well, sit down! You're disturbing everyone!" said Sick Groose.

"No, you Sick Groose!" whined Link. "Link gotta pee!"

"Some way to to end the elegance. You blew it, Link," Karane teased.

"Ugh, ugh!" moaned Link.

Just then, the Instructor, Horwell Horwell, came into the room.

"Link! Why are you out of your seat?" he asked.

"Link gotta pee!" said Link.

"You always say that," said Horwell Horwell.

"Can I put my hand to your faaaaaaaaaaaaaace?" asked Link.

"No!" said Horwell Horwell. "Did you finish the test?"

Link stopped his little dance again and thought. He copied Karane's thinking face, and at that moment, Karane's ears began to steam.

Link opened his mouth wide and stuck up his index finger if if about to issue a proclamation, but all he said was:

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Then he ran out of the room.

"Come back here!" said Horwell Horwell.

Horwell Horwell tackled Link down. "Get back to class!"

Gaepora saw Horwell tackling Link.

"Horwell! What are you doing?" he asked.


	3. This rascal left the room without

"This rascal left the room without permission!" said Horwell.

"Unhand him!" said Gaepora.

Horwell got off of Link.

"Did you ever let Link go pee?" asked Gaepora.

"What do you mean? You weren't there. He just said it," said Horwell.

"He's been saying that," said Gaepora. "He was supposed to tell you before the test."

Link sat up.

"Did you go before the test?" asked Gaepora.

"No," said Link, looking scornful.

"Link needs to go back to class now," said Horwell, trying to drag Link off of the floor, but Link was glued to his spot.

"I can take care of this," said Gaepora. "Tell Owlan to take your role from here, because we have to talk."

"About what?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Just go! Scat, and don't pull any crummy nonsense while you're gone!" yelled Gaepora. "Will you get up, Link?"

Gaepora helped Link up. Link rubbed his face against Gaepora's hand.

"Stop," Gaepora gently pushed Link's face away.

"Eh?" Link looked confused.

"Horwell didn't hurt you, did he?" asked Gaepora.

"No," said Link.

Gaepora looked at his watch.

"And Horwell still isn't back," Gaepora said. "He must be up to something!"


	4. Laces: Finally!

Finally, Horwell Horwell came back.

"Horwell, come with me," said Gaepora.

"What about Link?" said Horwell Horwell.

"He's got places he needs to be," said Gaepora.

"Like back in class?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Leave him alone. You're not in charge of him right now," said Gaepora.

"Why is he coming with us?" asked Horwell Horwell.

Gaepora realized that he was still holding Link's hand and let go.

"Link, you can go now," said Gaepora.

Link just stood where Gaepora left him.

A long time later, a sullen Horwell slouched out of Gaepora's office.

Link waved hi. He was still in the same spot Gaepora left him.

"Leave me alone!" grouched Horwell.

Link made a much discomforted face.

"Were you standing there the whole time?" asked Horwell.

"Eh!" Link nodded heartily.

"WHY?!" asked Horwell Horwell. "I thought that you were going to pee!"

Link shrugged. Horwell Horwell stomped off to his room. Link followed like a stalker.

"Go!" said Horwell Horwell. "You are not messing up my room!"

"Uh-huh!" said Link.

Horwell Horwell slammed the door in Link's face.

Link took a pen out of his pocket and wrote on Horwell's door:

** HI HOR- Well**

Owlan saw Link damaging school property.

"Link! No!" said Owlan. He seized Link's pen.

Link got really upset.

"Agh! Nooo!" Link began crying and fell over and launched a full-fledged tantrum.

"Link Rinku! Your behavior is so inappropriate right now! You're acting like you're still in diapers!" yelled Owlan.

Link sat up and took one of his note cards out of his pocket and wrote:

"What does diapers got to do with it?"

Then he folded it up neatly, drew a smiling heart on the front and handed it to Owlan.

Owlan peeked at the note, crumbled it and shoved it into Link's mouth.


	5. Link's eyes got huge

Link's eyes got huge and he pulled the note out. Then he held his heart.

Gaepora saw what happened.

"Owlan! You, too? Why would you put paper in Link's mouth? You could have choked him!"

Link held his throat and fell over.

"See?" said Gaepora.

"He damaged school property!" said Owlan, pointing to Link's "note" on Horwell's door.

"YOU did that!" said Gaepora. "That's coming out of your paycheck!"

Link had a huge smirk on his face. Then, he punched himself in the chest.

"No, Link! Don't hurt yourself!"

"Eh!'' said Link, punching his chest again. "EhEhEhEhEhEhEH!"

Gaepora grabbed Link's wrist and put it down.

"No, no! Link no hurt himself!" said Gaepora. "Stop!"

"Link gotta pee!" Link whined.

"Didn't you go when I was taking to Horwell?" asked Gaepora.

Link just started making letters with his hands.

"Do I need to escort you to the restroom?" asked Gaepora.

"Link gotta pee!" wailed Link.

"Come on!" Gaepora used a gentle hand to guide Link down the stairs.

"No! Link gotta pee!" Link whined again.

"Then find it yourself!" said Gaepora.

Link starring dancing uncomfortably on the stair step.

"You'd better not…" said Gaepora.

"No. Link gotta pee!" said Link.

Gaepora picked up Link and carried him down the stairs.

"Link you're getting to be such a big boy," said Gaepora.

"No! Maybe you are!" Karane was blocking the way down the stairs.


	6. Gaepora Gaped

Gaepora gaped.

Karane snickered and leaned across the stairwell. "Put the big boy down!" said Karane. She had the headmaster's whip behind her back.

"Doy, Doy, doy!" said Gaepora, cradling Link.

Link started slapping his own face. "Zel- dah, dah, dah, dah , dah! Dahh!" he said.

"You want Zelda? You want Zelda? First, learn how to walk!" said Karane, taking out the whip.

"Sic her!" said Gaepora, letting Link go. Being entirely useless, Link just floppily limped out of Gaepora's arms.

"Get up! You are the last hope for peace in our academy! You cannot fail us during such dire times!" said Gaepora.

Link got up and saluted seriously. "My body is ready," he reassured the headmaster. He drew his sword from behind his back and pounded on his chest.

Karane screamed. "You monster!" She threw the whip down and ran away.

"Aaahhhhh…." sighed, Link relieved.

"You saved me!" said Gaepora, giving Link a huge tight hug, then let go abruptly. "Link, what is that foul smell?"

"Sick Groose," said Link.

"Sick Groose!" called Gaepora. "Come here and spray febreeze on me and Link!"

"Yeh, yeh!" said Link nodding.

"I don't smell!" yelled Sick Groose.

"But Link does, and you're the source of the problem! Link said so!" said Gaepora.

"How could I cause Link to smell?!" asked Groose.

"I don't know, but Link never lies!" said Gaepora. "Come here, now!"

Sick Groose shuffled over with a can of Febreeze. He wimpily spritzed Link's pants a little with the can.

"Spray harder!" said Gaepora.

Groose pressed down really hard on the trigger of the can and it caught on fire and then exploded.


	7. You messed up my taco

"Oh! Ow! I can't believe you messed up my taco!" yelled Gaepora.

Groose took the fire extinguisher off of the wall and sprayed it everywhere.

"Who can put out this fire?" cried Gaepora.

Link raised his left hand proudly in the air.  
"Llllllink!" he said. The fire was already out. He started to roll in the fire extinguisher fluid.

"What a mess!" groaned Gaepora. "Who can clean it up?"

Link stood up and wrung fire extinguisher fluid out of his long hair onto Gaepora. Then, he got back down on the floor and started using his hair to sop up the mess. Every time he got soaked, he wrung it out onto Gaepora. Gaepora's face began to look like on the cover of this book.

Finally, Link had sopped up all the mess.

"I won!" he said.

"You lost!" said Gaepora. "I think that you need to get a job!"

"Eh?!" asked Link.

"Yeah!" said Gaepora. "It will keep you busy! And you'll get paid!"

"No," said Link. "Uh, uh!"

"Yes! Your job starts tomorrow because my ship sails in the morning. In the morning. In the morning. My ship sails in the morning."

Link was ill the next morning. He got an infection from holding his pee in too long the day before. Gaepora thought he was faking it to get out of work.

"Come on, Link!" said Gaepora. "Get out of bed! It's time for work!"

Zelda came behind Gaepora. "Ummm… Doddy? Doesn't Link have a job already?"

"Vot is dot?" asked Gaepora.

"He's a knight! Just like my best friend Karane!" said Zelda.

"Link is not a knight! He's a knight-in-training!"said Gaepora. "And so is Karane!"

"Then why does Karane have a uniform?" asked Zelda.

"I don't know! I'm going to dinner! Give me the rectal thermometer."

"Doddy, why not just take Link's temperature by his mouth?"

"Who said I was taking Link's temperature? Well, I am," said Gaepora. "Don't question authority, Zelda. Give me the rectal thermometer."

Zelda sighed and handed her dad an oral thermometer.

"Enough! What the heck? Give me the rectal thermometer!" said Gaepora.

"No!" said Zelda. "You are not sticking anything up Link's bottom!"

"I'll just use this one," said Gaepora. He tried to take Link's temperature.

"No! Put in his mouth for Hylia's sake!" squealed Zelda.

"Why?" asked Gaepora.

"You use that in other people's mouths, gosh darn," said Zelda. "Do you want the taste of poo in people's mouths?

"I'll wash it! Now give me the rectal thermometer!" said Gaepora.

"Heck no," said Zelda. "You probably wash the oral thermometer off in your bath water!"

"Zelda, go to your room!" said Gaepora.

"No! I will marry Link!" said Zelda.

"What? No! You can't! I won't allow it! You're too young to marry, and Link- he, he's just… not an appropriate person for you to marry!"

"How so?" said Zelda. "Discrimination is against the law!"

"You wouldn't want him," said Gaepora.

"Why?!" cried Zelda. "Why can Karane get married and not me?!"

"Karane is not getting married, nor is she a good role model for you," said Gaepora. "I thought you and Link were just friends. He never told me…"

"I was just saying that to wake him up," said Zelda. "Of course I'm not marrying Link! He's only my friend. He must be sick! Look, he won't wake up!"

Gaepora glared at Zelda.

"Don't you dare try to pull that on me again," he warned, sticking his finger in Zelda's face. "You could've given me a heart attack!"

Zelda slumped. Gaepora was about to further scold Zelda when a loud squawking noise occurred and there was a thump on the window.

"What was that?" said Zelda.

"My ship! I must take flight!" said Gaepora.

"Um… dad, you don't fly on a ship," said Zelda.

"Link must work!" said Gaepora. He shook Link, who was napping. "Come on, mah boi, your job awaits!"

A feverish Link groaned as he awakened. "No, no! Link sick, Groose!" said Link.

"I'm not Groose, and you are not sick. We must go!"

"Where will Link work? You never even told him his job!" said Zelda.

"That's the beauty of it," said Gaepora with a sneaky grin. "Come on Zelda


	8. Link did not follow Zelda and Gaepora

Link did not follow Zelda and Gaepora. He was too sick.

"Where is Link?" asked Gaepora.

"Doddy, he's sick!" insisted Zelda. "He can't come!"

"This is his job! Of course he can come! Why would he be sick? He was perfectly fine yesterday!" said Gaepora.

"Did he ever go pee?" asked Zelda.

"That's not your business, young lady!" said Gaepora. "Why would you ask something like that?"

"I don't know," said Zelda. "I was trying to help."

"How is asking inappropriate questions going to help? He's pretending!"

"Wasn't he warm this morning?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah…" said Gaepora, then thought for a few seconds. Then he got an idea. "Zelda! I've figured it out now!" he said.

"What?" asked Zelda, excitedly.

"I can fly!" cried Gaepora. He ran and jumped off a random ledge.

Zelda waited patiently for her dad's loftwing to bring him back up. Nothing happened.

"Oh, no!" gasped Zelda. She ran and jumped off the ledge, too. Her loftwing caught her and then she realized something: How could she save her dad?

Gaepora fell down through a hole in the clouds and into a world unknown.

Soon, Zelda was gone too.

Who could save them? Link was too sick, and he was their only hope. It was he who had navigated through the clouds and uncovered forest volcano,  
and desert. What would he do? Link went to the restroom.


	9. Laces: Later

Later….

Horwell: What's holding Link up? He's been in the restroom too long. And where in Skyloft is Zelda?

Little did Horwell Horwell know that Zelda was nowhere in Skyloft.

Horwell decided to call the headmaster. Gaepora did not answer. He was not even in Skyloft.

Horwell became very concerned and went to Gaepora's office and knocked on his door. No answer. Horwell waited a long time, but still no answer. Finally, Horwell Horwell went into Gaepora's office.

Gaepora was not there!

"Where is that man?" asked Horwell, leaving the room. "And where is Zelda? Oh, well. I remember what the headmaster told me. If he and Zelda are gone together, then they both must be alright. I'll wait for them to return."

Boy, was he wrong! They were both in danger.

"Now, I'll look for Link," said Horwell Horwell. He went to Link's door and knocked. No answer. Horwell Horwell went inside Link's room. Link was not there. Horwell Horwell looked for Link in the restroom. Horwell Horwell knocked on the restroom door.

"Link, are you in there?" he asked.

"Yeh," said Link weakly.

"Will you come out? You've been in there forever!" complained Horwell Horwell.

"No," said Link.

"Link, what are you doing in there?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Ugh," said Link. "Link gotta pee!"

"Link, you've had a whole hour to pee. Why are you still in there?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Link gotta pee!" Link replied.

"Then go!" said Horwell Horwell. "You need to come to class."

"No. Link sick!" said Link.

"You need to save Zelda! She's in danger!" said Horwell Horwell.

"Uhh?" asked Link, his voice getting deeper for no reason at all.

"Seriously, Link, what are you doing in there? Is something wrong?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"No! Link gotta pee!" said Link.

"You haven't gone yet?" asked Horwell.

"Link no come," said Link.

"Flush the toilet and come out," said Horwell Horwell.

Link flushed the toilet multiple times while attempting to sing.

"That will be enough. Is the toilet clogged or something?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"No. Link no pee!" said Link.

"Finally! Now you can come out!" said Horwell Horwell.

"No way!" said Link. "Link gotta pee!"

"You've had enough time in there," said Horwell Horwell. "I'm going to open this door."

Link began panicking. "No! No! No! NOOOOO! NO NO, no waaaaaaaaaaaaay! Link no like! No no no!"

Horwell paused. "Are you on the toilet?" he asked Link.

There was a long silence.

"Link?" asked Horwell. Still no answer. Now Horwell Horwell was panicking. He banged on the door furiously. "Link! What in Skyloft is going on in there?!"

When Link still didn't answer, Horwell pushed the door open. At least he tried to. But it was locked!

"Link Rinku, unlock the door this instant!" yelled Horwell Horwell.

_Bang! Bang Bang!_

"What is that noise?" asked Horwell Horwell. "Link, you'd better not be jumping on the toilet!"

"La, la, la!" sang Link. _Bam! Bam! Bam!_

"You're going to slip!" warned Horwell Horwell.

"No, no, no! Link no like!" Link taunted.

"Link, you cannot stand on the toilet!" said Horwell Horwell.

"Link gotta pee!" Link squealed.

"Not if you're standing on the toilet!" said Horwell Horwell.

"Oh! Yeah! Oh yeah! Yeahhhh… Haahhhh!" said Link.

"I'm going to have to pick this lock," said Horwell Horwell.

_**Bam!**_

"Ughhhh…." moaned Link.

"Link did you fall?" asked Horwell Horwell nervously. "Is everything all right in there?"

"Sitting on the toilet! Sitting on the toilet!" Link said.

"Good. No more standing. I have a class to teach, but I'll be back in a minute, so hurry up in there!" said Horwell Horwell.


	10. Chapter 10

Meanwhile, Karane was put out of Horwell's class for being incompliant and was now sitting in the hallway grouching about "stupid Horwell". Just then, her boyfriend Pipit came in through the front door.

"Guess who's baaaack!" Pipit announced, walking in.

Karane, whose eyes were inexplicably very red, looked up. "GET OUT!" she stormed.

"Eh?" said Pipit, shocked. "Karane, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you in the class?"

"Dumb old Horwell kicked me out," she cried.

"Your eyes are so red," said Pipit. "What happened?"

"They are not," said Karane. "Waaaahhhhh!"

Pipit just walked away because Karane was being foolish.  
"Pipit!" said Horwell Horwell. "Glad to see you're back! You didn't talk to the young lady outside the door did you?"

"No," lied Pipit. "And that's my fiancée!"  
"No! Don't you think it's a little too soon to be planning something like that?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"I just realized that I love her!" said Pipit.

"When are you going to get married?" asked Sick Groose.

"Now!" said Pipit.

"Am I invited?" asked Groose.

"No," said Pipit. "No one is invited our wedding. Don't tell anyone else that we're getting married."

"What kind of wedding are you not inviting people to?" asked Groose.

"A secret wedding," said Karane, poking her head around the corner.

"GET OUT!" said Pipit.

"That hurt," said Karane.

"Now you know how it feels," said Pipit apathetically.

Karane shook her head back and forth.

Horwell Horwell said, "Karane, you do need to get out."

"And why?" asked Karane, crossing her arms.

"Because you're not behaving today. Go marry Pipit or something," said Horwell Horwell.

"Alright!" said Karane. She turned to face Pipit. "So are we getting married or what?!"

"Kiss me first," said Pipit.

"No! You have stinky breath!" said Karane.

Pipit held his breath.

Karane looked away. "Thank you, Horwell, for hosting this glorious occasion in your humble classroom."

"GET OUT!" said Horwell.

"Way to spoil the elegance," said Karane. "Pip Pip, cheerio! We shall marry elsewhere."


	11. Horwell shook his head

Horwell shook his head in equivalent to a facepalm. When the happy almost-married couple had left the room, Horwell Horwell realized that Link had not returned.

"I'm going to dinner!" he announced, putting on his coat. "Give me the lockpicker."

Meanwhile, Zelda and her dad were on the surface and very scared and confused. Zelda had landed on a viewing platform in Faron woods, and her dad was not far away, also in Faron woods.

Zelda saw something very large and round approaching the viewing platform. At first, she thought it was her dad. It was not her dad. It was a very fat moblin. The moblin was pursuing her dad! Gaepora tried to run, but he was too fat and old. Although, strangely enough, the moblin was also very fat.

"Doddy!" cried Zelda. She longed to save her father, but the moblin looked very dangerous. Zelda had no weapons to ward it off with. Her approaches could be fatal.

As Horwell Horwell went to pick the lock on the restroom door, he couldn't quite figure it out. He knocked on the door. "Link, are you still in there?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Yeh," said Link blankly.

"Can you come out now?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Nah," said Link.

"Are you going potty?" Horwell Horwell asked.

"Yeh," said Link.

"When will you be done?" asked Horwell.

"No," said Link.

"Are you being difficult on purpose?" Horwell Horwell asked.

"No. Link sick," said Link.

"For real?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Yeh," said Link.

"Did you throw up?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"No," said Link.

"Why are you still in there?" asked Horwell Horwell. "Won't you give other people a turn?"

"No," said Link. "Link sick."

"How are you sick?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"No," said Link.

"Link, will you please unlock the door?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Hmmmm…" said Link. "Nah!"

Horwell Horwell tried picking the lock again.

"Link no like. Link lock. You no come on," said Link.

"Can Link unlock?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"No," said Link. "Link sick."

"Wouldn't you rather rest in your room then in here?" asked Horwell Horwell. "It can't be too comfortable in there."

"Yesssssssssssssssss," said Link.

"Yes, you want to rest?" asked Horwell Horwell.

Link growled.

"Don't you growl at me, inferior!" said Horwell Horwell. "Unlock the door and come out! We're all tired of waiting for you to come out!"

"I don't miss him," said Groose sticking his head around the corner.

Link groaned and flushed the toilet.

"Ready now?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Yeh," said Link. "Link lock," he said.

"Unlock it," said Horwell Horwell.

"Nah. Link no know," said Link.

"You knew how to lock it but not to unlock it?" asked Horwell Horwell. "Wow, that makes a _lot_ of sense."

"Link know. Link no come. Link gotta pee," said Link.

"Didn't you just go?" said Horwell Horwell.

"Let me unlock it!" said Owlan, holding the master's key. He put the key in and turned the knob….

And the door unlocked!


	12. Link was standing up

Link was standing up facing the toilet and turned toward the instructors, smiling in the way he did when he knew he was in trouble.

"What have you been doing in there the whole time?" asked Horwell Horwell.

"Pee!" said Link.

"Inacceptable," said Horwell Horwell. "Are you really sick?"

"Yeh. Pee sick!" said Link.

"Use your signs, Link. That makes absolutely no sense," said Owlan.

"No," said Link, turning back around.

Horwell Horwell grabbed Link by his shoulders and dragged him out of the restroom. Link started screaming and crying.

"Owlan, get the town handyman to remove the lock from this door!" he said, escorting Link to class. "I have the feeling he might do this again."

"Why? Link gotta pee! Link pee you sick! No! Yes Link sick gotta pee. Link sick! Link Sick! Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Gotta pee!"

"You do not!" said Horwell, forcing Link into his seat. "You are not going back in there. You have had plenty of time in there to pee. You are not sick. Do you have a fever?"

Horwell Horwell put his hand on Link's forehead.

"Oh my!" he said. "You're very hot! Are you okay?"  
"No. Link sick," said Link.

"I wish the headmaster was here," said Horwell Horwell. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I shouldn't even be handling this on my own."

"Link go pee now?" Link said hopefully.

"Fine. But I'm watching you!"

"That's sick," said Owlan.

"Link know sick Groose," said Link.

"I'll call Pipit. Maybe he knows where the headmaster is," said Horwell Horwell.

Horwell Horwell had no idea what to do anymore, so he gave Pipit a call. Pipit was at his mom's house, showing his mom his new wife.

"Hello?" Pipit asked.

"Hi!" said Horwell Horwell as if having a friendly conversation with a good friend.

"Horwell?! How do you know my phone number?" asked a freaked-out Pipit.

"Ummm…. a little bird told me," said Horwell Horwell.

"What's a little bird?" asked Pipit.

"Never mind!" said Horwell Horwell. "The point is, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THE HEADMASTER IS?!"

"I haven't seen him," admitted Pipit. "I mean, I was out flying on my brown-mustard colored loftwing because I was… uh…training. Maybe he's running errands?"

"No!" said Horwell Horwell, as if hearing a shocking piece of gossip. "He wouldn't!"  
"Okay, okay, fine!" said Pipit. "He was taking Link to his job and he disappeared."

"Disappeared?!" said Horwell Horwell. "One does not simply disappear."

"I have the feeling that he's not in Skyloft anymore," said Pipit.

"Nothing exists below the clouds," mumbled Horwell as if a lesson well learned and repeated.  
"That's all I can say," said Pipit. "I don't know anything else."

"Send Link!" said Horwell Horwell.

"I thought you had him," said Pipit.

"Right!" said Horwell Horwell. "He's too sick. Who can save our school?"

"This looks like a job for…" said Pipit. (sound of cloth tearing.)

"Pipit! And his sidekick, Karane," Pipit said, noticing Karane's disapproving face.

"Great. Just great. Well, you're their only chance now, so go do your thing," said Horwell Horwell.

"Their?! Two people need to be rescued?!" said Pipit.

"Oh yeah," said Horwell Horwell. "I forgot to mention that Zelda is lost, too."

Pipit put his head in his hands and groaned.

"Oh well!" he said. "If Link can go below the clouds, so can Pipit because Pipit is better than Link!"

Horwell Horwell had already hung up.

"Great! said Pipit to Karane. "I'll go grab my stuff!" He ran off to the academy and met Owlan there.

"Go!" scolded Owlan. "You must save Gaepor- uh, I mean the headmaster!"

"Great!" said Pipit. "I'll go grab my stuff!"

"There won't be time for that," said Owlan. "Your sword will be enough!"

"Great! I'll go grab my stuff!" said Pipit.

"There won't be time for that," said Owlan. "Your dinner will be enough."

"Where is Link, anyway?" asked Pipit.

"There won't be time for that," said Owlan. "Your sword will be enough."

"What about dinner?" asked Pipit.

Owlan guided Pipit outside and pushed him off a ledge. Pipit was now about to discover the Surface.

Pipit had perfect timing. He landed, with his sword, right between Gaepora and the enraged moblin.

"Pipit!" said Gaepora.

Pipit put his hand over Gaepora's mouth to silence him. He took out his sword and killed the moblin.

Zelda squealed. "Doddy! You're safe! You're the best, Link!" She ran over to hug Pipit, not realizing that it was he who had saved the headmaster.

Pipit pushed Zelda away and twirled his sword like a show off before putting it away. "My dear, it was an act of valor. Pure valor," he said, gently pushing Zelda away.

Zelda scowled. "An act of pure vanity," she mumbled. "Pipit, how did you get down here?"

Pipit smiled. "I know some stuff," he said. "Now, shall we return to our lovely Skyloft?"

"It's beautiful down here," said Zelda. "But there are too many monsters. How will I get home?"

"Me, too, DOY, DOY, DOY!" said Gaepora.

"Ah, I'm not sure," said Pipit. "Hey, I know something Link told me about," he said. "There's no place like Skyloft, There's no place like Skyloft. There's no place like Skyloft."

Zelda and Gaepora joined in. "There's no place like Skyloft. There's no place like Skyloft."

A big circle of light appeared around the group, and they soon were transported magically back to Skyloft, right in front of the knight academy.

"There you are!'" cried Horwell relieved. He ran out of the academy door, arms ready for a hug.

"Who are you trying to hug?" asked Zelda, nervously.

"You!" said Horwell Horwell.

Zelda screamed and pushed her head into Gaepora's fat belly. Gaepora held her back. "Do not touch my daughter," he said calmly.

"Okay," said Horwell, sounding disappointed.

Gaepora strode into the academy. "Good thing this place isn't burned down," he said. "And all the students are here and in one piece."

"Sir," said Owlan.

"What? Don't TOUCH ME DOY DOY DOY! Is something wrong?" Gaepora asked.

"Link is sick," said Owlan.

"No!" said Gaepora.

"Yes!" said Horwell Horwell. "He was in the restroom all day!"

"Where is he now?" asked Gaepora.

"I think he's in his room," said Owlan.

Gaepora rushed over to find Link. He opened Link's door without knocking. Link was lying down. Not in his bed. On the floor! He was just all flopped over and surrounded by broken pottery. And every Zelda player knows that Link LOVES to break pottery.

Link's eyes were all glassy and partly closed.

"Link, why are you sleeping on the floor? There's a nice cozy- PLASTIC MATTRESSES, DOY DOY DOY!- bed for you to lie in!"

Link was a little floppy and unresponsive. Gaepora went and poked Link. Link did not answer. Gaepora helped Link get into his bed. Then, he tucked Link in bed. "Good night. Sleep tight," he said. Link was stiff like a plank now. Gaepora left the room as if he had not a care in the world.


	13. Laces: The next day

The next day, Link did not come for breakfast. "Link!" called Gaepora. "Your breakfast will be cold!"

Link did not answer. Gaepora went to check on Link. Link was on the floor again.

"Link, WHY?!" wailed Gaepora, about to cry. "Why are you on the floor again?" He picked up Link and tried to carry him down the stairs. Then he tripped and dropped Link down the stairs.

"NO! OH, NO! MY STUDENT! I DROPPED HIM! HOW WILL EXPLAIN THIS?!" Gaepora made a puddle of tears at the base of the stairs and rolled around in it.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" Zelda asked, seeing her father being ridiculous.

"My student! Precious Link! He's too young to die!" sobbed the headmaster.

"Is Link going to DIE?" worried Zelda.

"He's very sick," said Gaepora.

"I told you he was sick! Why didn't you do anything?!" cried Zelda. "What if it's too late now?"

"I must protect him!" said Gaepora.

"Why not give him medicine for his fever?" asked Zelda.

"He does not have a fever!" said Gaepora.

"Feel how warm he is," said Zelda.

Gaepora felt Link's forehead. "You're right, he is warm! Strip him!"

"No," said Zelda, apathetically.

"Yes!" said Gaepora.

"You could just give him fever medicine," said Zelda.

"No!" said Gaepora.

Zelda glared at her dad intently. "Doddy, you're being weird," she said.

"No, maybe you are!" said Gaepora. "Hyena! Come over here!" Gaepora summoned the "lunch lady".

The old lady, Hyena (actually Henya, but what the heck?) came over. "What?!" she snapped.

"Link has a fever. What should I do?" Gaepora asked.

"Give him a cold drink," said Hyena, stomping away.

"See?" said Zelda. "Don't strip him!"

"Hmph. You're ruining my fun," said Gaepora.

Zelda burst out screaming. "YOUR FUN? YOUR FUN?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'm RUNING YOUR FUN? YOU'RE DISGUSTING! STRIPPING Link IS NOT FUN!"

Karane walked by, stopped, winked and gave Zelda a thumbs up, then followed her new husband, Pipit.

Zelda screamed and attacked Karane. Karane squealed and fell over. "Pipit, save me!" she cried. "Help! Help!"

The headmaster dragged Link out of the academy by his shirt collar.

Zelda realized that her dad was going away with her friend. "Doddy, wait! Why are you taking Link? What are you going to do with him?"

"To the dump, where he belongs!" yelled Gaepora.


	14. Daddy, be serious!

"Daddy! Be serious! I thought you were going to reunite Link with his parents, to tickle him with a loftwing feather!" Zelda forcefully No, no sick Groose!" said Link.

"Sick Groose? Daddy?" asked Zelda. "Why?!"

"I'm just kidding," said Gaepora. "I'm going to take him see one of my friends."

"Why?!" asked Zelda.

"To take care of him! Since you won't let me!" said Gaepora.

"That makes no sense," said Zelda.

"Neither do you," said Gaepora.

Zelda scowled.

"Okay, I'll tell you the secret," said Gaepora, putting Link down and leaning close to Zelda. "Don't tell a single soul what you have heard, though."

"Oh, great!" said Zelda. "That means I can tell Groose, because he has no soul!"

"Not nice!" said Gaepora.

"Neither is Groose," said Zelda. "Now tell me that secret."

"Okay, here goes…" said Gaepora.

Zelda held her breath.

"Link's parents are still alive," said Gaepora.

"WHAT?!" said Zelda. "After all this time I thought he was an orphan?"  
"Yyyyyup," said Gaepora casually.

"How come you didn't tell me before?" shrieked Zelda. "Does Link know?"

"He shouldn't," said Gaepora. "But I have said too much. Run back to the Knight Academy. I'll meet with you after I dispose of him!"

Zelda's eyes popped out.

"Just kidding," said Gaepora.

"I'm not leaving," said Zelda. "Because I know you want to strip him."

"Zelda!" said Gaepora accusingly. "How could you say such a thing? What kind of person do you think I am? Why would I strip Link? You think his parents would like it if they were reunited with their child after like, 15, years only to find that I stripped him? NO!"

"You said to strip him," said Zelda.

"It was a joke!" cried Gaepora, throwing his head back. "Can't you take a joke?!"

"That was a nasty joke," said Zelda. "And you sounded serious."

"I must. That's my job," said Gaepora.

"Must strip him?" asked Zelda.

"No! I MUST SOUND SERIOUS!" roared Gaepora, showering Zelda in stinky breath and drops of saliva.

Zelda shook the drops off and shuddered. "Fine," she said and headed back to the academy, then turned around to find Gaepora tickling Link with a loftwing feather that he found on the ground, who kept swatting him away.

Zelda grabbed the loftwing feather out of her dad's hands and threw it off of Skyloft.

Gaepora looked as though his feelings had been hurt. "Aww… Zelda, why can't your old dad have fun?" he asked.

"I'm sure Link's parents would love to know that you were tickling their child," said Zelda sarcastically.

"Yes, they would!" said Gaepora childishly, as if he didn't know about sarcasm.

"And why?" asked Zelda.

"Link likes to be tickled," said Gaepora, wishfully.

"Then why was he swatting you away?" asked Zelda.

"Because I didn't use the right kind of feather. It should have been a softer one!" said Gaepora. "Want to help me find a softer feather?"

"NO!" screamed Zelda, horrified. "I'm going to take Link with me!" She tried to pull Link with her, but he wouldn't move and his shirt started to rip.

"Keep pulling, Zelda!" said Gaepora. "Make him come with you!"

Zelda pulled harder and Link went limp. He fell face-first into the mud.

"Zelda!" scolded her dad. "Don't- KEEP PULLING, DOY, DOY, DOY!-kill him! "

Zelda helped Link out of the mud. "Poor Link," she said tenderly as if Link was her child. "Are you alright?"

"Yeh!" said Link. He turned and pointed to Gaepora. "Sick!"

"My doddy is not sick," said Zelda. "Maybe you are!"

"Ehhh?" asked Link, his voice getting deeper.

"Link, what happened to your voice?" asked Zelda.

Link grinned. "My body is ready," he said, almost clearly.

"Ew. TMI,Link, TMI," said Zelda.

"Ready for what, doy, doy, my Zelda doy doy?" asked Gaepora.

Link punched himself right in the vocal cords!

"Please don't do that," said Zelda.

"Keep doing it, Doy, doy!" said the headmaster.

Link punched more aggressively and fell over again.

"Doddy, look what you did," said Zelda.

"Oh," said Gaepora, shamelessly.

Zelda screamed and stomped in the mud. The mud splashed up and hit Gaepora's robe.

"ZELDA! GO TO YOUR ROOM, NOW!"said Gaepora. "HOW COULD YOU RUIN MY FAVORITE ROBE?"

"Doddy, all your robes look the same, and you know we have good detergent," said Zelda.

"No we don't!" said Gaepora. "You have to let me take Link to his mom and dad!"

"In your dreams," said Zelda. "Let Link decide."

Link looked back and forth and then said, "Link no like."

"You don't like what?" asked Zelda.

"Link no like sick Groose!" said Link.

"That doesn't answer my questions!" said Zelda. "Do you want to go back to the academy or have this fool take you to your mom and dad?"

"My body is ready," said Link.

Zelda did a facepalm. "Answer me!"

"No way," said Link.

"Link, don't you want to have fun with your headmaster?" asked Gaepora.

A very perplexed expression took over Link's face. "No. Link no like."

"He wants me!" said Zelda.

"No. Link like sick Groose," said Link.

"You said you didn't!" said Zelda.

"Eh, no," said Link. "Link like!"

"Do you want to go back to the academy and see Sick Groose?" asked Zelda.

"No! Link no like sick Groose!" said Link.

"This is not getting anywhere," said Gaepora.

"Link is going with me!" said Zelda. "I'll take him to his parents!"

"No! You no come! Link come! Sick Groose come! You? You no come!" said Link.

"I'll go get sick Groose," Zelda volunteered.

"Link and I will be waiting right here," promised Gaepora.

Zelda rushed back to the academy.

"How will I explain this to Groose?" said Zelda, shaking her head. "This better be what Link wants.'

Gaepora turned to Link. "It's your turn to tickle me!" he said. "Go find a feather!"

Link got up and started searching for a feather.

"Link gotta Sick Groose!" said Link, holding up the long black feather he found.

"That's definitely a feather from Groose's loftwing," agreed Gaepora. "Want to tickle me now?"

"No," said Link. He grabbed the feather and chased the headmaster all around Skyloft with it.

When Zelda came back with Sick Groose, Link and Gaepora were gone.

"Where are they?" she worried.


	15. Link and Gaepora ran in, sweating

Link and Gaepora ran in, sweating and panting.

"Where were you guys?" scolded Zelda, dragging Sick Groose behind her.

"We were having a tickle fight, DOY DOY DOY!" said Gaepora, as cheerful as a child.

"A tickle fight? Really?!" Zelda scolded her father. "That's so inmature!"

"Inmature? Doy, doy, how could anyone-DOY DOY! - call the headmaster inmature? You're fired!" Zelda's dad scolded her.

"Fired? I don't even have a job," said Zelda.

"How would you like a job at the Knight Academy?" asked Gaepora.

"Oh, boy!" said Zelda.

"You're fired!" said Gaepora.

"Awww…" said Zelda.

Gaepora chuckled and his fat belly jiggled. Then, he brushed dirt out Link's hair. Link gave Gaepora a look that said, "Why did you just touch me?"

"So why do you want me?" asked Groose, stroking his pompadour.

"Link loves you and wants a kiss," said Gaepora.

Link began panicking. "NO! NO! NO, SICK Groose! NO WAY! UHHHH!" He shielded his face from Groose's vomit-colored lips.

Groose scoffed. "Yeah, is if I m going to try kissing that loser again! Look at this scar near my lip! Do you think I want another one of those? No, sir! That kid Link, he isn't anything but violent!"

"You've tried before?" asked Gaepora, farting.

Zelda rolled down a grassy hill and got grass stains all over her dress. Link went off to play with her.

"Link! No! My baby! Why did you go down the hill?!" cried Gaepora, unnecessarily stressed/

Zelda ran back up the hill with a green-blotched dress.

"You ruined your dress, mah gil," said Gaepora.

"No! Link did!" said Zelda. "And you need to help him! Link has fallen and can't get up!" said Zelda.

"DOY- WHAT?!" cried Gaepora, his eyes popping out. "Is it serious? Is he hurt? Is he conscious?! Oh, my poor baby! What will his mom and dad think if their only offspring becomes unable to carry on their family line?!"

"Doddy, is that the first place your mind goes? Really?!" Zelda asked.

"Yes," said her dad shamelessly. "NOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, DOY, DOY, Doy and do the, doy, doy, doy, DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!"

"No," said Zelda.

"You. Must. Be punished!" hissed Gaepora.

"OkAY. Link is on the ground at the base of the hill. His shirt is ripped," said Zelda.

"Oh, boy!" said Gaepora. He bounced down the hill.

"That hill is strange," said Zelda.

Groose turned to Zelda. "So, do you still need me here or what?" he asked.

"I… don't…know," said Zelda.

Groose turned and walked away, whistling.

Gaepora trudged up the hill and looked at Zelda seriously.

"I think Link hurt himself tumbling down the hill," said Gaepora.

"How bad is it?" asked Zelda.

"He's hurt," said Gaepora.

"But where? How badly?" asked Zelda.

"Link is no man," said Gaepora. "He's been injured."

"ANSWER ME!" said Zelda.

"Zelda, bring me a, a, a…" Gaepora said.

"A what?!" cried Zelda, shaking her dad. "Bring you a what?!"

"A… BANANA PEAR APPLE GRAPE GRAPE LIME APPLE GRAPE LIME LIME APPLE PEAR KIWI PINEAPPLE WATERMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLON, doy, doy, BAN-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA, PINEAPPLE, PINEAPPLE, GRAPE, GRAPE, GRAPE, BERRY BERRY BERRY BERRY PEAR PEAR ORANGE and p-p-p-p-p-p-pear!"

Zelda ran to the academy to ask the Hyena for some fruit.

Back at the academy….

Hyena: Zelda, what the heck do you want all that fruit for?

Zelda: To heal Link. He's hurt! He needs rest and loving care!

Hyena: How will fruit help?

Zelda: My doddy said it would help!

Hyena: Well, I was going to make fruit soup tomorrow, but here: have all my fruit.

Zelda took all the fruit and put it in her purse. Then, she ran to give the fruit to Link.

When Zelda got to her dad, she said: "Is this the fruit that Link needs?"

"NO!" said her dad. "When did I ask for fruit? I said to bring a DESK CHAIR PENCIL PAPER RULER CHALKBOARD RULER RULER PAPER PAPER DESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSK PENCIL PENCIL PEN PROTRACTOR COMPASS SHARPENER PENCIL PENCIL DESK CHAIR DESK!"

"How will I get all that stuff?" Zelda cried.

"Put it I your purse. Everything magically shrinks to fit into one's purse. Didn't you put another student in your purse one time?" Gaepora said.

"No. I put an instructor in my purse," said Zelda. "Horwell Horwell to be exact."

"WHAT-EVER!" cried Gaepora, throwing his hands into the air.

Zelda went back to the academy to get all the stuff her father had requested.

Back at the academy…

"No," said Horwell Horwell. "Just no."

"Why not?!" screamed Zelda. "Link is in danger! I need to help him!"

"I can't have you stealing all my supplies, Zelda," said Horwell Horwell. "What will my students use to learn?"

"I… don't know," said Zelda.

Just then, Gaepora burst into the room, his huge belly jiggling as violently as a bowl of jello on a ship on stormy seas.

"Doy, doy, doy and a bottle full of doy!" he said. "Doy, Zelda, Link broke his jaw! He can't eat now. Do you still have all that fruit? It's time to make him a smoothie!"

"Oh, no, not again," said Zelda.

"Doy, has Link broken his- **DOY, DOY, DOY, SICK Groose DID IT**! Jaw before?"

"Yes," said Zelda. "Sick Groose punched Link in the jaw because Link tried to use the restroom."

"Doy, Zelda! What should we do about Link's broken jaw?"

"I don't know; I'm not a doctor!" said Zelda. "Here comes the smooooooooooooooooothie!" She opened Horwell's desk drawer and a smoothie came flooding out.

"NO! MY SMOOTHIE!" cried Horwell Horwell. "That's how I get the energy to teach the students!"

"Then put it in a cup or something," snapped Zelda.

"Zelda! How dare you be rude to Horwell?" admonished Gaepora.

"Don't worry, all the girls are rude to me," said Horwell.

"All the girls, doy?" Gaepora questioned Gaepora. "We only have two girls!"

"Exactly," said Horwell Horwell.

"I'm not rude!" yelled Zelda, and then burst out crying.

"There, there," said Gaepora, patting Zelda's back.

"And you told me not to touch the students," mumbled Horwell Horwell.

"She's my daughter, my doy!" said Gaepora.

"So what," said Horwell Horwell,. "I want to touch her!"

"Why," said Gaepora apathetically.

"To comfort her!" said Horwell Horwell.

"Don't touch me, Horrorwell," said Zelda.

"But I want toooooooooooo!" whined Horwell Horwell.

"Tough luck," said Zelda. "Keep your hands off of me or I will bite you!"

Horwell's face sucked inward.

"Come on, now," said Gaepora escorting his daughter out of the room.

Once outside of the room, Zelda screamed as loud as she could.

"What was that for," said Gaepora apathetically.

"Because I want to, that's why, you jerk!" snapped Zelda. She then flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away.

One of Gaepora's hearts disappeared. Zelda had never been so rude before, especially to to her father.

Later, Gaepora knocked on Zelda's bedroom door.

"Doy, are you in there?" he asked.

"Go away!" said Zelda.

"No!" said Gaepora and opened the door.

Zelda charged toward her father holding Link's sword.

"Go away!' she howled, lunging toward him.

Gaepora just gently guided Zelda back to her head.

"Doy, why do you have a sword?" asked Gaepora.

"Link gave it to me," said Zelda. "And my name is not DOY!"

"Fine. Be a brat like that," said Gaepora. He turned toward Zelda's bedroom door and pressed his face against it.

Zelda stared off into space for a few seconds, then shook her head confusedly.

"Huh? Why do I have Link's sword? And Doddy, what are you doing in here?"

Gaepora did not answer. He was too busy sobbing. He did not want to show his face.

"What happened to me? Where's my smoothie? Where's Link?" said Zelda.

A teary-eyed Gaepora looked at Zelda.

"Zelda, I don't know how to explain this, but…" said Gaepora. He sighed then braced himself. "Link… he, he… Link took your smoothie, Zelda," said Gaepora, and then burst out wailing hysterically.

"Dang it!" yelled Zelda. "My smoothie! Is Link alright? He's on a no-smoothie diet!"

"Actually," said Gaepora. "He's on a smoothie only diet. Sick Groose broke Link's jaw."

"How could Groose do something so sick and twisted?!" roared Zelda. "Where is he? I'm gonna stab him!"

"Violence is not the answer," said Gaepora softly. "We just have to wait until Link's jaw heals. I don't know how I'll tell his parents, though. Link is late getting home. On top of that, he's got an infection of some sort," He sighed.

"So he is sick," said Zelda. "How did he get an infection? And where in Skyloft is he?"

"Zelda, that should not concern you now. He's in his room. Just rest. Link needs his rest, too."


	16. No no no no

"No! No, no, no!" cried Zelda. "I won't let Link rest! I need to visit him!"

"Zelda," said Gaepora. "Link is in his bedroom! He'll be fine."

"His parents will never see him!" cried Zelda.

"They will when he recovers," said Gaepora.

"What if he doesn't?" said Zelda.

"Oh, well," said Gaepora.

"I must see him and give him love and affection!" said Zelda.

"Nope," said Gaepora. "Groose will be doing that job!"

"But Groose hates Link! What can I do for Link?" asked Zelda.

"You will clean his room and serve him his food and pick his clothes!" said Gaepora.

"Why," said Zelda.

"Because I said so and I have garlic breath!" yelled Gaepora.

Just then, Groose sauntered into Zelda's bedroom.

"Get. Out!" said Zelda.

"Now, Zelda, don't be mean to poor little Groosie. He's the one who will help your boyfriend feel better."

"Link is not my boyfriend," said Zelda.

"Yeah! He's my boyfriend!" said Groose.

Awkward silence.

Gaepora and Zelda just stare at Groose.

"Well, I guess I'd better book it out of here," said Groose, scrambling away.

Zelda screamed and ran after Groose, chasing him with a pillow.

"Aaaaaaah! Aaaaah!" screamed Groose.

"Give me Link now!" said Zelda.

"Nope, he's mine. You can love and care for him next week," said Groose. "Your job is to clean up after him."

"No! Will he be sick that long?" asked Zelda.

"Yup," said Sick Groose.

"Oh, no! Wait, how do you know, you Sick Groose?" Zelda cried.

"Because Groose knows everything," said Groose.

"He doesn't know how to not mention himself in third person," said Zelda.

"Yes, I do," said Groose.

"You look like vomit," said Zelda.

"Your hair looks like rat tails," said Groose.

"I'm telling!" whined Zelda.

"You're a tattletale," said Groose.

"You're a meanie," said Zelda.

"I'm nice enough to care for Link," said Groose.

"I'm nicer!" said Zelda.

"No, I am!" said Groose.

Zelda spit on Groose.

"Hey!" said Groose. He ran after Zelda. Zelda went into the restroom and locked the door.

"I know you're just hiding in there!" said Sick Groose. "Open up!"

Zelda turned on the sink water and it sprayed very loudly.

"I know you're just playing with the sink to make noise!" said Sick Groose, pounding on the door.

"What is going on?" asked Gaepora, entering the scene.

"Zelda won't let me in there so I can beat her up!" said Groose.

"Why would she let you?" asked Gaepora. "Zelda, can you come out please?"

"I'm washing my hands!" said Zelda, turning the water up higher. "Ow, ow, hot!"

Gaepora kicked the door and it fell over and hit Zelda.

"Oh, doy, why wasn't this door screwed on all the way?" he asked.

"Because Sick Groose did it!" lied Zelda.

"Did not!" sneered Groose. "Horrorwell did it!"

"No calling people names," said Gaepora.

"I know why Link is sick!" said Zelda.

"Why?" asked Gaepora.

"It's all dumb Groose's fault!" Zelda screamed.

"How is it my fault?" asked Groose.

"Because you beat him up whenever he tries to go in here!" Zelda accused Groose.

Groose's face sucked inward.

"What?" asked Gaepora.

"I see him," said Zelda. "Link never goes pee because Groose won't let him!"

"That's a bunch of baloney!" said Groose.

"I believe Zelda," said Gaepora.

"That's only because she's your daughter! She's the biggest liar here! She just has something against me!" sputtered Groose.

"Of course I do," said Zelda. "You look like vomit."

"Zelda's right, you do look like vomit," said Gaepora.

Groose started suffocating so Zelda punched him.

"Anyway, Zelda," continued Gaepora. "What makes you think Groose does this?"

"To get Link in trouble for peeing in places he shouldn't!" said Zelda.

Groose got up in Zelda's face. Gaepora pushed him back.

"Groose, why?" asked Gaepora. "You have caused me to beat up Link!"

"You beat up Link? Ha!" said Sick Groose.

"I had to. He was behaving inappropriately," said Gaepora.

"How so, Doddy?" asked Zelda.

"That's none of your business," said Gaepora. "It's confidential."

Instructor Owlan walked by. "Umm… isn't there a better place to have a meeting?" he asked.

"Doy, do not question the headmaster, doy!" said Gaepora.

"I must when you act so ridiculously," said Owlan, then continued walking.

"What are you holding, my doy?" asked Gaepora, chasing after Owlan.

"Laundry," said Owlan.

"Who's laundry?" asked Gaepora.

"Link's laundry," said Owlan.

"That's Zelda's job!" cried Gaepora, lunging at Owlan. "Zelda must do Link's laundry, not you!"

Owlan glared at Link. "Horwell already tackles me enough. Must a big man like you do that also?"

Gaepora just walked away with the laundry and then threw it on top of Zelda.

"Ugh, stinky!" said Zelda. "But not as stinky as Karane!"

Karane walked by and stopped. "I thought you said I smelled nice!" she cried, then ran away sobbing.  
Zelda pushed Link's laundry away and then picked up a shirt and sniffed it again.

"Okay, this doesn't smell too bad," she decided. "Can I sleep with it every night?"

"No!" said Gaepora.

Zelda started crying and wiped her tears on the shirt.

"Come on, let's get out of here," said Gaepora, guiding his students out of the restroom.

Zelda wrapped Link's shirt around her neck and started sniffing it.

"Stop," said Gaepora.

"I'm tired of you always bossing me around!" said Zelda. She grabbed the shirt and whipped her dad with it.

"Ow!" wailed Gaepora. He took his sash off of his shoulders and whipped Zelda back.

Zelda ran out of the academy, taking Link's shirt with her.

"Zelda, come back!" pleaded Gaepora. But Zelda had disappeared into the dark night.

Zelda came back a few moments later and barreled into the academy.

"Wait! Stop! I forgot something!" she cried. She ran to Link's laundry pile and picked up a pair of Link's pants, then ran back out.


	17. My Reputation Ruined!

Meanwhile, Link was sitting up in his bed wondering where the heck all his clothes went. Then, he decided to go look for them. He got out of bed but then felt really sick so he just laid back down.

Meanwhile, Gaepora was escorting Groose to his bedroom. "I can get there myself!" wailed Groose.

"I know, but after how you've damaged Link, I can't have in the halls by yourself anymore," said Gaepora.

"I never damaged Link!" insisted Groose.

"You broke Link's jaw. That's why he doesn't have that many teeth left!" accused Gaepora.

"At least he still has his front teeth, just not his back ones!" said Groose. "And isn't he supposed to be getting that fixed at the dentist?"

"Too expensive," said Gaepora.

"I'll pay for it!" said Groose.

"Honestly?" asked Gaepora.

"Yep," said Groose.

"Where do you get that kind of money?" asked Gaepora suspiciously.

"Oh, I won it playing cards with Link," said Groose.

Gaepora's eyes came out of his head. "You cannot gamble in this school!"

Groose smiled and said, "I've been raking in the rupees. Although Link is a pretty slick poker player himself." 

Gaepora shook Groose angrily. "You can't take Link's money! Give it back to him!"

"He doesn't need it anyway," said Groose. "What would Link do with that kind of money? Why is he allowed to buy stuff?"

"He gets paid for doing chores," said Gaepora. "You do no chores at all. This means you've been making all your money off of Link's work! You're so cruel!"

Groose snickered. "So, will you take it or not?"

"Well, I think Link needs it," said Gaepora.

"Fine!" yelled Groose. "I only wanted to be charitable and kind!"

"Giving back somebody their stolen money is not charity," said Gaepora.

Groose scowled.

"Now go to your room and we'll work this out in the morning!" said Gaepora.

Groose slammed the door and started punching his punch bag with Link's face on it.

Finally, Zelda came back after everyone was asleep. She had taken all of the ribbons out of her hair. Then, she wandered into Groose's room and tied him to a chair with her hair ribbons! Groose would be in for a surprise when he woke up! Then, Zelda noticed that Groose had a Link face on his punching bag.

"Why would Groose want to punch Link?!" cried Zelda, then ripped the face off the punching bag. "Is this really what Groose thinks of Link? As a punching bag?" She then left, snuggling the picture and crying.

Gaepora was creepily wandering the hallways and saw Zelda snuggling a picture of Link. Zelda also had Link's pants wrapped around her neck like a scarf.

Gaepora, only wearing a bath robe, saw Zelda snuggling the beat-up picture. "Hey, what are you up to Zelda?" he asked his daughter.

"I'm snuggling with this beat-up picture of Link," said Zelda.

"Why?" asked Gaepora. "Why is it so beat up? This is voodoo!" He fell over and started crying hysterically.

"Doddy, I didn't beat this picture up. Sick Groose did," said Zelda.

"Nonsense! You're the one holding it!" scolded Gaepora.

"I got it from Groose's bedroom," said Zelda.

"Why would Groose have a picture of Link in his bedroom?" asked Gaepora, sounding extremely offended.

"Because he wants to beat Link up!" said Zelda. "And Link needs to pee right now!"

"That is extremely irrelevant," said Gaepora.

"Take him! He must go- oh wait, he already went, too late," said Zelda.

"Zelda, what are you talking about?" asked Gaepora.

"He wet the bed!" cried Zelda, sobbing hysterically as if she was heartbroken that Link had wet the bed.

"How would you know?" asked Gaepora.

Just then, Link began crying like a baby.

"That's how I know!" said Zelda.

Gaepora went to Link's room to investigate.

Link's bed was stripped and he was wailing and flailing his arms and legs.

"Link, what is wrong?" asked Gaepora.

Link pointed to the blanket on the floor (who knows why he had one in the first place) and started crying harder.

Gaepora shook his head and grabbed the blanket and then threw it over Link, covering Link's face and entire body. Link continued wrestling and kicked the blanket.

Gaepora walked over and patted the blanket down really hard so that it was completely sealed around Link, and soon Link's crying was muffled.

"There, there, you're probably only having a nightmare," said Gaepora.

Gaepora then left the room but left Link's door open a little bit. Zelda confronted her dad outside Link's room.

"Doddy, what were you doing to Link?" asked Zelda.

"Swaddling his preciousness," said Gaepora.

"He's not a baby," said Zelda.

"As long as he acts like a baby, he'll be treated like one," said Gaepora.

Zelda rolled her eyes.

"Well, I'm going back to the bathtub now," said Gaepora, but when he got to the bathroom door it was locked.

"Oh, snap! WHY?! I can't leave this place unattended for one minute!" said Gaepora. He knocked on the door furiously. "Who is in there?"

Karane was in the bathroom, getting ready to take her bath. In the stinky dirty old man water!

Gaepora's heavy knocking startled her and she screamed and slipped and fell backwards into the water.

"Ugh! Who did that?" she asked, then started crying. "My perfect day is ruined! And the sun is just about to come up!"

"Sunrise already?" asked Gaepora. "Hyena! Dish out your cheapest soup!"

The old Hyena grumbled. "But it's still dark outside."

"Who cares, my doy? It's almost sunrise!" said Gaepora. "Get the children up bright and early!"

"Should I ring the dinner bell?" asked the old Hyena.

"Doy, no. Everybody must get a turn!" said Gaepora. "I will throw the diner bell into the toilet! "

"Why would you throw it into the toilet?" asked the old Hyena. "It's my dinner bell!"

"Mine," said Gaepora. He ran into the kitchen to find the dinner bell when a loud clear, _DING! DING DING! _echoed through the academy.

"Who has it?" asked Gaepora.

Link opened his bedroom door.

"Ehhh?" he asked. He was ringing the dinner bell.

"No fair!" said Cawlin.

Link rang the bell in Cawlin's ear.

"Ow!" said Cawlin. "Link, why do you thirst to inflict harm on others?"

"He doesn't! I do!" said Sick Groose, barreling in and knocking Cawlin over. "Gimme that bell, Link!"

Link stopped and put the bell down in a potted plant. Then he rubbed his swollen jaw and thought about how he did not want both jaws to ache as much as the one did. At the same time, Link was having a load of fun with the dinner bell. Link closed his door on Groose.

Meanwhile…

Karane woke up in the bathtub.

"What happened? Why was I sleeping in the bathtub…? EW! This is dirty old man water!" Karane splashed up out of the water and ran out of the bathroom screaming. She was wearing just her jerkin.

"What on earth-?" said Zelda as Karane ran past.

"Ignore her. She's going psycho again," said Gaepora.

"Help me! Help me! Help me!" Karane ran back and forth.

"Karane, please put your pants on," said Gaepora.

"What do you mean?" asked Karane, and then looked down.

"AAAgh! No! Everyone saw that!"

"Just go put your pants on," said Gaepora. "We can talk about this later."

Karane slouched off to the bathroom. "My reputation..." she sobbed. "Ruined!"


	18. I still like her

"I still like her!" said Cawlin, and Groose punched him.

Karane slouched out of the bathroom wearing her pants.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Doy, doy, I want you to realize that running around without pants is inappropriate," said Gaepora.

"I didn't realize that I wasn't wearing any pants!" stressed Karane.

"Didn't you feel…?"

"Stick a cork in that bottle, mister!" said Karane. "Accidents happen!"

"Eh?" asked Link, pulling his pants up. He was standing in his door frame.

"Look, you've created a bad example for Link!" reprimanded Gaepora. "Now it will take forever for him to learn to keep his pants on! And we just taught him!"

"No," said Link. "No you, no Link. Groose! Groose is ready! Groose is sick!"

"What does that mean?" asked Gaepora.

"I told him to!" said Groose.

Gaepora gave Groose a little shove. "That's quite enough young man!"

Link pulled his shirt up and started playing with his belly button. Gaepora marched over and pulled Link's shirt down.

"Eh?" asked Link.

"Link, your voice is getting too deep. Stop it." said Gaepora.

Link cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"Link no like pee."

"Nobody is asking you, Link," said Gaepora. "Change your voice back to normal."

"My body is ready," said Link.

"Ready for what?" said Gaepora.

"Pee, Link no pee," said Link.

"You don't have to," said Gaepora. "You seem unable to."

"Link pee," said Link.

Gaepora put his hand on Link's mouth. "Call a doctor! This is unnatural!"

"No, no," said Link. "My body is ready."

"Link is a big boy now," said Zelda. "He's becoming a man!"

"Not right here he isn't!" yelled Gaepora. "This is an emergency! He needs professional help! Take him to the emergency room!"

"You're off the wall," said Zelda. "Link will be fine! I like his voice. I wish he could talk more."

"Nonsense!" said Gaepora, dragging Link out the door/

Later, Zelda's cell phone rang (and yeah she shouldn't have a cell phone in this time period).

Zelda looked at the caller ID. It was her dad. She ignored it. Her phone wouldn't stop ringing, though so she finally picked up.

"What do you want, goofball?" Zelda snapped.

"Is this Karane speaking?" Gaepora asked,

"No! You called Zelda's number. This is Zelda," said Zelda.

"Why are you acting like Karane?" asked Gaepora.

"Is that _Link_ in the background making all that noise?" asked Zelda, not answering her dad's question.

"Yes, he's peeing," said Gaepora.

"Why are you in the restroom with Link?" asked Zelda.

"I'm not," said her dad. "I'm sitting the emergency room floor and so is Link!"

"He's peeing on the floor?" asked Zelda.

"Yeah! He's having fun, too!" said Gaepora.

"Doddy, why are you there?" asked Zelda.

"Because Link's voice is messed up!" said Gaepora.

"It's not! It's beautiful!" said Zelda. "Why did you call anyway?"

"Because they think I abused Link and I'm going to get in trouble!" whined Gaepora.

"Why would they think that?" asked Zelda.

"They said I neglected to treat his illness and injury!" whined Gaepora.

"Well, you did just leave him there with a broken jaw and some kind of infection," said Zelda.

"SO what? I don't have enough rupees to take care of him! That's why you all get cheap soup three meals a day! I never planned for Groose to injure Link!" Gaepora continued.

"So what are they going to do to Link?" asked Zelda.

"I asked them to fix his voice, and they won't do vocal surgery!" whined Gaepora.

"He doesn't need it. This is how Link's voice will be," insisted Zelda.

"Instead they want to charge me lots of money to give him expensive jaw surgery!" whined Gaepora.

"Vocal surgery would be expensive, too." said Zelda.

"I don't care! Link's jaw will heal on its own!" said Gaepora.

In the background, Zelda heard someone saying, "Sir, we have to ask you to put your phone away."

"But, but, but," said Gaepora. "I'm talking to my daughter!"

"No exceptions," said the person. "Put it away!"

"Bye, Zelda," said Gaepora.

Zelda sighed. What was going on over there?

Link stood up from the floor and asked the lady, who had told Gaepora to put his phone away,

"Can I put my hand to your faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace?"

"No," said the lady patiently. "Link, can you come with me please?"

"Link no come. Link sick. Link can peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Link pointed to the floor.

"Come on," said the lady, just as patiently as ever.

Link rubbed his face across Gaepora's belly. "Link like," said Link.

"Go on, Link, let the lady torture you," sighed Gaepora.

"No way," said Link. "Link gotta pee!"  
Gaepora pushed Link away. Link let the lady take his temperature, which was really high, and then ran out of the room without letting her do anything else.

"Link, you're so hot. Would you like some ice cold water?" asked the lady.

"I am Link," said Link, sticking out his hand for a handshake.

The lady gave Link some fever medicine. "Take it."

"No way," said Link. He dropped the medicine.

Gaepora picked it up and swallowed it.

The lady's eyes got really big. "This man is crazy! Poor child!"

Gaepora looked at the lady creepily. "Me, crazy? How about you?

The lady backed away nervously. She had a long braid that went all the way down to her butt. Link started playing with the braid.

"Stop it!" yelled the lady. "Don't touch my hair!"

"Why?" asked Link.

"It's not sanitary," said the lady.

"No," said Link.

"Then stop," said the lady.

Link giggled and started undoing the braid. He became showered in long, silky hair.

Gaepora pulled Link away from the lady. The lady tied her hair up and put it under a hairnet.

Link looked disappointed. Gaepora took Link behind the front desk.

"Please go away," said someone at the desk.

"Link sick! Link no can pee!" said Link.

The lady at the desk picked up a basket of candy.

"Hey, look everybody!" she yelled excitedly. "Desk candy!" She went spreading desk candy everywhere. Link ran and picked up several pieces of candy and put them in his pants. He went up to Gaepora. "Look!" he said, handing the candy to Gaepora out of his pants.

"Hey, look everybody!" said Gaepora. "Pants candy!"

Link went back behind the desk and hid in an empty crate that said:

**PATIENT MILK**

A delivery man picked up the crate and walked away. Link wailed in fear. The man put the crate on an empty stretcher and left. Link got out of the crate and pretended to look dead. He put the crate over his face.

A janitor wheeled the bed away and put it into a dark, empty storage room and closed the door.

"Link is gone!" worried Gaepora.


	19. Link took a nap

Link took a nap and when he woke up, he was still in the storage room but this time the light was on. Link threw the crate off of his head and ran up to the door to try to open it. It would not open. Link groaned in frustration. What was he even doing there?

"Listen," said the long-haired lady. "Someone is in that room!"

"Could it be Link?" asked Gaepora, munching on a potato chip bag.

"Maybe," said the lady. "But why would he be in there?"

"You put him in there, that's why!" said Gaepora.

"I did not!" said the lady. "The janitor must have done this!"

"Well, get him out! It's probably dusty in there! Link is allergic to dust!" said Gaepora.

The lady opened the door and saw Link standing up, smiling innocently. His hair was full of dust.

"Link! Mah boi! Are you alright?" asked Gaepora. He gave Link a hug. Link gently backed away. "No, no, no!" he said, shaking his finger in Gaepora's face.

"Can I at least dust your hair?" asked Gaepora, reaching out to brush the dust out of Link's hair.

"No!" said Link, giving the headmaster a stern look. He started growling.

"Okay, okay, don't be so mean," said Gaepora. "Can I go home now?"

"Link is under 18 and therefore needs to be attended by an adult," said the long-haired lady.

"But, he's almost 18! He will be in a few months!" insisted Gaepora.

"He's still too young. You must stay," said the long-haired lady.

"I have a daughter to care for!" said Gaepora. "I'm not even related to Link!"

"How old is your daughter?" asked the long-haired lady, giving Link a shot without permission.

"The exact same age as Link!" said Gaepora. "They were born on the same day!"

"How sweet," said the long-haired lady.

"Why are you giving Link a shot?" asked Gaepora.

"To relax Link so I can examine him," said the lady.

"I did not say you could do that!" said Gaepora. "You. Must. Die!"

"What, no!" said the lady, taking the needle away from Link. "I'm innocent!"

"You need parent consent!" roared Gaepora. "But since his parents basically disown him, you'd have to call my buddy Alfon!"

"Alfon Rinku?" asked the lady, dropping the syringe.

"Yep!" said Gaepora. "Link's uncle!"

"Alfon Rinku works here part-time!" said the lady. "He's a security guard! He might be here now!"

"Go find him so I can get the heck out of here!" said Gaepora.

"Yes, sir!" said the long-haired lady, running out of the room.

"But what to do with Link?" asked Gaepora.

Link was rubbing the purple swollen spot on his arm that the shot had caused. Then he held it up for Gaepora to see.

"Should I kiss it better?" asked Gaepora.

Link nodded.

"No you shouldn't!" The familiar voice of a female in her late teens stopped Gaepora dead in his tracks. Gaepora whirled around shocked. "Zelda, what are you doing here?"

"I have a GPS," said Zelda. She looked at Link. "_What _happened to his arm?"

"Sick Groose!" said Link.

"Not again! Where is that bully?" asked Zelda.

"He didn't do it, Zelda," said Gaepora. "A lady with long hair gave him a shot!"

"Poor Link!" said Zelda, jumping up and grabbing Link's shoulders. She accidentally knocked Link over, and Link fell into the beat-up roller bed. "Whoa!" said Link. Zelda pounced on Link and starting planting kisses all over his face.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Link. He didn't want Zelda to kiss him. She was only his friend.

"Okay, that's enough!" said Gaepora. He picked up Zelda and took her off of Link. Link sighed admiringly. He had just got so many kisses. Then, Link became bored because 30 seconds went by and nobody paid him any attention.

"Link gotta pee!" he squealed.

"Save it, Link," said Gaepora. "Do not pee on the bed you do not own."

Link started banging on the bed.

"Stop!" said Zelda.

"No way!" said Link, and continued banging. Just then, another, louder, banging noise sounded at the door.

"Have no fear, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalfonnn's heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" said Link's jolly uncle, his stomach jiggling violently. He twirled his big heavy purse in circles and it flew out of his hands and hit Link in the face.

Link began crying.

"Oh, dear!" said Alfon, picking up his purse. "I really need to work on my purse-twirling."

"How about not twirling it at all!" said Gaepora. "You injured my student! And his jaw's already broken!"

Now Link's jaw was hopelessly crooked.

"Aye," said Alfon. "That and I heard his voice was getting deeper."

"Yes, and it really shouldn't be," said Gaepora.

"But he's getting older! All boys become men!" said Zelda.

"My chin is a butt," said Alfon.

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Gaepora.

"Because it was once just a chin!" said Alfon. "Now it's a hairy butt!"

"Moving along," said Zelda. "Link should get his jaw fixed."

"No he shouldn't my doy!" said Gaepora. "I can't afford that and neither can Alfon the buttface!"

"Why would I be a buttface?" asked Alfon, confused.

"Because your chin looks like a butt. You already said so yourself," said Gaepora.

"You're right," said Alfon. "Purse candy, anyone?"

Link raised his hand and Alfon threw a hard candy out of his purse. It hit Link in the eye.

"Link no like," said Link, taking the candy out of his eye.

"Alfon, you should be gentler with your nephew," said Gaepora.

"Who?" asked Alfon, rubbing his butt.  
"Link, your nephew!" said Zelda. "The reason you're here!"

"Why are we in a storage closet?" asked Alfon.

"Exactly!" said Zelda. "Where is that hairnet lady?"

"Oh, I saw her!" said Alfon. "She's making arrangements."

"Arrangements for what?" worried Gaepora.

"I'd feel bad to tell you, but since this concerns my nephew's health," said Alfon, sighing.

"Just SPIT IT OUT!" roared Gaepora. "What is wrong with Link?"

"The lady is making arrangements for Link to stay here awhile," admitted Alfon.

"WHAT?! NO!" said Gaepora. "He's barely sick! His jaw will heal on its own! He can't stay here!"

"She said she'd call the police on you if you don't let him up," Alfon continued. "And since I am his legal guardian, what is scaring you now?"

"You are very angry!" said Gaepora. "You will sue me for a million Rupees!"

"No," said Alfon. "Be logical. It's a good thing you brought him here, or you would be fined."

"FINED?!" Gaepora choked on the candy that came out of Link's eye.

"Yep," said Alfon as calmly as a pony.

"That can't happen. I am a poor old man with no friends in the world!" whined Gaepora.

"That's why should be glad I stepped in," said Alfon. "I saved you a lot of money!"

"So Link is sick?" asked Gaepora sadly.

"I'm afraid so, said Alfon, nodding slowly and sadly. "I only want what's best for my nephew. You must understand that."

"I'll try," said Gaepora.

"I knew something was wrong!" said Zelda.

"You may go home if you wish," said Alfon. "I know it was only your ignorance that led you here, but you are indeed saving Link's life."

"I am not ignorant. Maybe you are!" said Alfon, stoking a crop of Link's dirty blonde hair. Link swatted Gaepora's' hand away.

"Don't touch my nephew. You have already harmed him enough," said Alfon.

"But you said I saved his life!" said Gaepora.

"Even good choices can have mad consequences," said Alfon studiously. "You must understand that I can take care of things from here, now, okay?"

"There are so many things I must understand," whined Gaepora. "How could anything good come out of this?"

"You took Link here for the wrong reason, and now he's getting treated for the right ones," said Alfon. "This shouldn't concern you. Even though you didn't want to, you did what was right. You should be proud of yourself."

"Doddy, he's right!" said Zelda. "You only trusted your crazy old man instincts and now you're as good as a concerned parent!"

"Ummm… thanks?" said Gaepora.

"You're welcome, daddy," said Zelda. "Let's go now."

And they walked off into the sunset.


	20. I sure hope Link is okay

"I sure hope Link will be okay," said Zelda the next day. She was sitting on her bed and Karane was also sitting on Zelda's bed, right next to Zelda.

"He'll be fine, don't worry," said Karane, filing her nails and not taking the slightest look at Zelda.

"You think?" said Zelda, picking her head up out of Link's sweaty shirt.

"Yeah, of course. He's a strong young man," said Karane, finally looking up at Zelda, and throwing the nail file across the room.

"You do care about him, right?" asked Zelda, wrapping Link's shirt around her neck.

"Of course I do. I love everyone!" said Karane, hopping off of Zelda's bed and throwing her arms in the air. Zelda tried not to hold her nose or gag. Karane had awful body odor and didn't even seem to care.

Zelda slowly got off her bed and threw Link's shirt down. "Be careful where you step, Karane, you did just throw a nail file somewhere around here!"

"I know!" snapped Karane. "Now help me look for it!"

"But you're the one who dropped it," said Zelda.

"It's your room!" said Karane, taking her hat off and whacking Zelda playfully with it.

"Hey, stop!" Zelda squealed.

Karane wrung her hat nervously. "Did you find it yet?"

"No, not yet," said Zelda. "You'll just have to watch your step."

"At least I have boots on, so it wouldn't hurt," said Karane.

"Yeah, but you could break the nail file," said Zelda.

"Yeah…" said Karane and turned to look out the window.

"What are you looking at, Karane?" asked Zelda.

"None of your business!" snapped Karane.

"Well, that was rude," said Zelda.

"You're rude!" cried Karane, pulling nervously on her pigtails. "You came into my room without permission! Now get out!"

"This is my room," said Zelda.

"And Now you're saying it's yours!" stressed Karane, throwing her hat off again. It landed outside of Zelda's door.

"Zelda, why did you take my hat off?" asked Karane. "Now go get it! Go get my hat!"

"Are you really that lazy?" said Zelda.

"You threw it! You get it!" said Karane, getting up in Zelda's face. "Do I have to call security on you?" She stuck her finger in Zelda's face.

"No?" said Zelda.

"Then get my hat NOW!" said Karane. "I'm naked without it!"

Zelda reluctantly went to get Karane's hat. "You jerk!" she mumbled.

Karane saw Zelda holding her hat. "Zelda! Why did you steal my hat?!" she stressed.

"You told me to get it for you!" said Zelda.

"No, I didn't!" whined Karane. "You will be in big trouble!" Just then, Karane's cell phone rang. "After I answer this call," she said.

Zelda just shook her head.

"Hello?" Karane answered innocently.

"Yo!" said Link.

"_Link_, _how_ did you get my phone number and why do you have a phone?" Karane asked.

"Link like," replied Link.

Zelda threw Karane's hat down.

"Link?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes, it's Link," said Karane. "How did he get my phone number?"

"I don't know," said Zelda, trying not to laugh.

"I don't like you, Link!" said Karane.

"Eh?!" asked Link, his voice getting deeper again.

"Let me talk to him!" said Zelda.

"What kind of conversation would anyone have with Link?" asked Karane. "He can barely talk and shouldn't have a phone!"

"Eh?!" Link said again.

"That's right! You heard me, Link!" said Karane.

"No, no!" said Link.

Zelda grabbed Karane's phone.

"You must hate me!" wailed Karane. "First you take my hat, and then you take my phone. Next you'll take my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!"

"Yeh," said Link.

"Link, why are you on the phone?" asked Zelda.

"Link like," said Link.

"You like the phone?" asked Zelda.

"No," said Link. "I found a mirror under the table."

"Say whattttt?!" said Zelda. "Have you learned to talk yet?"

"No," said Link. "You?"

"Yes, of course," said Zelda. "Now, I'm going to say goodbye because I'm being attacked by Karane!" Zelda hung up just as Karane pounced on her and took her phone.

"Mine!" said Karane. "Get your own phone!"

"I don't even know where Link was calling from!" said Zelda. "Karane, can you please check your history?"

"In your dreams," said Karane. "I don't do favors for thieves who want to murder their own best friends."

"I don't want to murder you," said Zelda. "You made that up yourself!"  
"I don't lie," said Karane. "I heard you say it."

"Karane, are you hearing things again?" asked Zelda.

"Duh! Everyone can hear!" said Karane.

"I mean, I think you're hearing things that aren't there," said Zelda. "What has happened to your judgment?"

"It's fine, thank you very much!" said Karane, breathing stinky breath in Zelda's face.

Zelda backed up nervously. "I don't think so," she said. "Maybe you should go to the doctor and get your brain checked out!"

"That's not nice!" said Karane.

"Well, it's true!" said Zelda. "You used to be fun and patient and easygoing and friendly. Now you're just a ditch!"

"How could you call me that?" screamed Karane. "I thought we were friends! No one else likes me!"

"I thought we were, too," said Zelda. "But now I'm not so sure. You've been so annoying lately."

"How so?" asked Karane. "I've only been myself!"

"You're nuts," said Zelda. "You're always yelling at everyone and you yell at inanimate objects, too! You even yell at invisible things!"

"You don't see them?" asked Karane. "And all this time I've been attacked by something and it's not you!" Without asking, she put her head in Zelda's lap and started sobbing.

"Karane, you're not making any sense right now," said Zelda. "Do you really think you're being attacked?"

"Well, I am!" said Karane, covered in tears. "I thought I could trust you to believe me! But you don't! No one does! They all think I'm crazy!"

"You need help," said Zelda.

"But everyone will think I'm messed up!" said Karane.

"But they can fix you up and make you better! There's always another chance!" said Zelda.

"What will you do with me?" asked Karane.

"Nothing," said Zelda. "That's not my job."


	21. Laces: Anyway

"Anyway," said Zelda. "I want to know how Link is doing! I miss him!"

"It's only been one day," Karane remarked.

"That's true, but he is my _best _friend in all of Skyloft!" said Zelda.

"I thought I was!" said Karane.

"Both of you are," said Zelda. "And unlike you, Link is kind and caring."  
"I am kind and caring!" said Karane. "I just have bad days sometimes."

"All the time," said Zelda.

"Admit it, Zelda. You like Link better than me!" said Karane.

"No, I like you both the same," said Zelda. "Just please understand that Link is really sick right now and I want to make sure he gets better."

"I don't give a #%^!" said Karane.

"Karane, watch your mouth!" said Zelda, shocked.

"No!" said Karane. "Get out of my room!"

"This is my room," said Zelda.

Just then, Gaepora walked by and heard all the commotion.

"Girls, what is going on?" he asked.

Karane and Zelda started arguing and yelling all at once.

"Enough!" said Gaepora. "One at a time, please. Zelda, you can go first."

"Karane is being a jerk," said Zelda.

"And Zelda won't get out of my room!" said Karane.

"Karane, this is Zelda's room," said Gaepora.

"It is?" asked Karane.

"Mmm-hmm," said Gaepora.

"Karane cussed at me!" Zelda said.

"Karane! Did you?!" said Gaepora, shocked.

"Yep," said Karane. "And I don't give a #%^&!"

"Stop! That's inappropriate! Say that word one more time and I will call your mom!" said Gaepora.

"Fine, see if I care," said Karane, leaning against the wall just outside of Zelda's doorframe.

"Karane, what is going on inside your head? You've been on edge so much lately. Even the littlest things set you off!" said Gaepora.

"Well, maybe I get irritated easily!" said Karane.

"You used to take everything so calmly," said Gaepora. "Even major situations didn't stress you that much. Why can't you just kick away the pebbles in the road instead of treating them like boulders?"

"Because I have a lot of stress in my life right now, so unless you want to get hurt, you better back off mister!" said Karane, sticking her finger directly into Gaepora's face. Now, in the Hylian culture, sticking your finger in someone's face is a major insult. It's just as insulting as sticking up your middle finger.

"Oh, ho, ho!" said Gaepora. "You think you're the big boss around here, Karane?" said Gaepora.

"Well, I am," said Karane. "This academy is run by Karane and Karane alone!"

"That's what you think. You need to go to the nuthouse, young lady!" said Gaepora. "I have had enough of your foolishness!"

"I thought you would help me! I'm sad!" cried Karane. "Make them stop following me!"

"Them? Who is them?" asked Gaepora.

Karane started pointing to random places in the room with a shaky hand.

"Zelda, give me the good-night spray!" said Gaepora.

"NO! NOT THE GOOD-NIGHT SPRAY! IT'S STILL DAYTIME! PLEASE, I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL BE GOOD! JUST DON'T USE THE GOOD-NIGHT SPRAY!" Karane stressed.

"Doddy, has it gotten that bad?" asked Zelda.

"Yes," said Gaepora. "I believe so. Karane needs serious mental help."

Karane threw herself down onto the floor and started wailing and kicking and screaming. "Help me!"

Zelda broke open a glass case on the wall and pulled out the goodnight spray and handed it to her father. Gaepora prepared the can.

Karane huddled up in a ball. "Please," she said.

Gaepora sprayed her and she was knocked out.

After Karane was sent away and all the commotion had cleared up, Zelda asked, "Doddy, how is Link doing?"

"Doy, Doy, Dunno!" said Gaepora. "Why should I worry? Why should I care? I'm just glad I won't have to pay his medical bills!"

"Doddy, that's cruel," said Zelda. "I wonder Link's up to right now."

"Zelda, how could Link up to anything when he's sick and has a broken jaw? He's probably strapped to a bed somewhere," said Gaepora.

"Karane should be strapped to a bed somewhere," said Zelda.

"I think the police will take it from here, Zelda," said Gaepora.

"Link is probably bored," said Zelda.

"Well, what can we do about it? Nothing!" said Gaepora.

"Doddy," said Zelda. "You know if Link is bored for too long, he'll start getting into all kinds of trouble!"

"How much trouble can he get into when he's strapped to a bed?" asked Gaepora, his stupid-looking eyebrows going up in the air.

"Doddy, why would Link be strapped to a bed?" asked Link.

"So he doesn't get in trouble," said Gaepora.

"He probably doesn't know what to do with himself now," said Zelda.

"You're right!" said Gaepora. "Zelda, bring me a deck of playing cards!"

"What for?" asked Zelda.

"We're going to go and play cards with Link!" said Gaepora with a sneaky grin.

"We are? You and me?" asked Zelda excitedly.

"Yeah, sure, why not," said Gaepora casually. "Actually, you and Alfon."

"Alfon? Link's weird uncle?" said Zelda.

"It will be fun, they said," said Gaepora. "Come on, now you can do it!"

"If you say so," said Zelda. "But Link is a pretty slick poker player."

"NO GAMBLING!" roared Gaepora.


	22. I can't wait

"I can't wait to tell my father that Link is not strapped to a bed!" said Zelda proudly, sitting in a torn-up chair next to Link's Uncle Alfon, who was also sitting in a torn-up chair.

"O f course not," said Alfon. "Nobody straps my nephew to a bed!"

Alfon and Zelda had come to see Link, but Link was fast asleep and snoring very very loudly. Just then, the long-haired lady poked her head in the door. This time, her head was covered in several thin, long braids.

"Aaaaaah!" yelled Alfon. "What are you doing here?"

"I was moved," said the lady. She looked at Zelda and Alfon curiously. "You two have to leave. You're disturbing the patient while he is trying to sleep."

"No, said Zelda. "He's disturbing us by snoring so loud."

"He can snore if he wants," said the lady. "You shouldn't disturb his healing body!"

"Fine. Be a jerk, you dumb lady!" said Alfon. "I only wanted to see my nephew!"

"My best friend!" wailed Zelda.

"Eh?!" Link woke up with a scratchy voice. His face was covered in drool.

"Look what you did!" said the long-haired lady. "You woke him up! You disrupted the healing process!"

"I did not!" said Alfon. "She did!" He pointed to Zelda. Simultaneously, Zelda blamed Alfon and pointed to him.

"Get out of here, both of you! You made baby Link cry!" said the long-haired lady.

Link was not crying at all. In fact, he seemed rather pleased to see his uncle and his friend.

"Aaaawwww… I want to see my nephew!" said Alfon. "Hey, can you tell me your name? I'm kind of tired of calling you the long-haired lady."

"My name," said the lady. "Is Longhira."

"EH?!" Link choked on the cloth he was chewing on.

"Lon GHIRA? Are you sure about that?" asked Zelda, tensely.

"Yeah," said the lady. "What's wrong with that?"

"LonGHIRA. GHIRA as in GHIRAHIM?" asked Zelda.

"Who?!" said the lady.

"An evil demon who tried to steal my soul! Obsessed with diamonds? Are you sure you never heard of him?" Zelda asked.

"I'm sure," said Longhira.

Link stood up on the bed where he was once asleep and took the cloth out of his mouth and wore it like a bandana. Then he ripped a metal pole of the wall and yelled, beating his chest.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!"

"Should I be scared?" asked Longhira.

"Yes," said Zelda.

Link jumped and flew toward Longhira with the metal pole. Wam! Link missed. He hit the floor HARD. The pole went down his throat.

"Link!" cried Zelda.


	23. One week later

**1 WEEK LATER**

It had been exactly a week since Longhira kicked Zelda and Alfon out of Link's room and Link had shoved the pipe down his throat. Zelda was just relieved that it hadn't gone down very far. However, it did delay Link's procedures. They wanted to fix it Link's jaw, but now his throat was messed up so they put tubes down his nose and finally, the one sleepiest week of Link's life later, he was finally ready. And he still hadn't peed.

Every day of that week, Zelda asked her dad about Link. Every day, he did not know.

"Really," said Gaepora one day. "It's more of Alfon's business than ours, so you've got to relax and just let things play out."

Zelda then started asking where Karane was.

"She's in the nuthouse with da crazy people!" Gaepora hissed in his daughter's face, spraying saliva everywhere.

"She's not crazy," said Zelda.

"Then WHY did she act the way she did yesterday?!" asked Gaepora.

"I…don't know," said Zelda. "But my two best friends are gone and now there is no one to talk to!"

"Talk to Pipit!" said Gaepora proudly.

"I hate Pipit," said Zelda.

"Me, too," said Cawlin, randomly appearing there.

"Why does everyone hate Pipit? He's so nice and friendly!" said Gaepora.

"Because he's not even real!" said Zelda. "He's just imaginary! That's why he doesn't have a dorm room!"

"He DOESN'T?!" asked Gaepora, shocked.

"I am real," said Pipit, appearing in the room.

"Did you see that?" asked Zelda.

"Nope. Did you see anything?" asked Gaepora.

"I'm right here!" said Pipit, waving his arms around. "Can't you see me? I have something to ask the headmaster!"

"What do you want, fake Pipit?" asked Gaepora.

"I'M NOT FAKE!" yelled Pipit, and then started crying hysterically.

"Crybaby," said Cawlin, and Zelda elbowed his side. "You cry a lot, too," she hissed.

"Oh, Pipit," said Gaepora. "We're just playing. We know you are real."

"Yeah, anyway, I wanted to tell you something," said Pipit, a little annoyed.

"What? What? I have sweaty armpits!" said Gaepora, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Umm… yeah, I saw Link wandering around outside the academy," said Pipit.

"Oh, my gosh!" said Gaepora, farting really hard.

Pipit just looked at the headmaster.

"Sorry about that. Please don't gossip about me to the other students," said Gaepora.

"So, don't you think you should catch him?" asked Pipit, an eyebrow going up.

"I'll call 911!" said Gaepora.

"Let's not go that extreme," said Pipit. "Let's catch him and bring him back!"

"In your dreams," said Gaepora. "I like a little bit of action!"

Gaepora and Pipit fought eachother outside, where Link was just walking in circles wearing ripped-up fabric that couldn't possibly be his clothes.

"Link Rinku! What are you doing back at the academy?" asked Gaepora.

Link looked very scared that the headmaster saw him. Link tried to hide behind a tree.

Just then, Alfon thundered up the hill.

"Alfon! How could you let Link escape?"asked Gaepora.

"I didn't! He was getting bored! He wanted to go free, but I didn't know he would run away!"

"So you did or you didn't let him escape?" asked Gaepora.

"I didn't! He let himself escape! Now I keep getting calls saying he's missing!"

"Yet he's right behind this tree!" said Gaepora. A ripped-up cloth flew out from behind the tree and hit Gaepora's head.

"Oh! Ow! AAAAAAAAGGHHHH! What is this?" said Gaepora.

Link peeked out his head from behind the tree.

"Rinku!" said Gaepora. "What did you throw at me?! The headmaster!"

Just then, someone flew by on a loftwing and looked down. "There he is! Get him!" they yelled. They dropped off the loftwing and appeared in the scene.

"Vot eez dees?" asked Gaepora. "Who are you people?"

"Link Rinku! Is he here?" asked the person.

"Who is Link Rinku?" asked Alfon and Gaepora together.

"Dirty-blonde boy, about 5- foot-7, very muscular, unable to talk properly?" asked the person.

"That's my nephew!" said Alfon, shaking the tree. Link stuck out just his head.

"Why won't you come out?" asked Alfon, shaking the tree harder. Link pointed to the torn-up rag on the ground. Alfon picked it up and went behind the tree to coax Link.

"Dagh! No look, Uncle Alfon!" said Link.

"Link! Oh my gosh! Where are your beautiful clothes, young man?" scolded Alfon.

"Link no like," Link answered.

"That's no excuse! Put them back on!" said Alfon.

"We'll take it from here," said the person who was searching for Link.

"Are you kidnapping my nephew?" asked Alfon. "At least let me get fressed! Then you can kidnap him!"

"What did I miss?" asked Sick Groose, coming outside.

"Nothing!" said Gaepora. "Whatever you do, do NOT look behind this tree!"

Sick Groose tried to look behind the tree, but Alfon hit him in the head with his purse.

"Ouch!" yelled Groose. "I only wanted to look behind the tree!"

"Why? Are you a pervert or something?" asked Alfon, getting ready to hit Groose again.

"No!" said Sick Groose.

"Then you wouldn't want to be behind the tree! Nothing to see here!" said Alfon.

Sick Groose walked away disappointedly, when Link decided to jump out and tackle Groose.

"LINK! NO!" Gaepora said gaping.

"Bad boy!" said Alfon.

"Get him off of me!" said Sick Groose.

The person who came to pick up Link grabbed Link off of Groose and dragged Link away by the foot.

Link started giggling and then screamed and tried to unlatch himself. The person dragged Link down the stairs.

"Oh, no!" said Link. All the villagers stopped in stared.

"What is that man doing to that child?" asked a villager who was friendly with Link.

"He's being dragged by the foot! Oh, no!" said a kid that Link sometimes played with. The kid's mom gasped and covered her kid's eyes. Another person marched up to the one dragging Link and said, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Helping Link," said the person.

"By treating him like this?! He's probably so beat up by now!" said the person. "He isn't even dressed for Hylia's sake!"

"He refused to do anything he was told, so this is my last resort," said the guy.

"I'm calling security!" said the villager. He called the security guard, which happened to be Alfon.

"Alfon Rinku, how may I help you?" asked Alfon.

"Do you realize that some creepy dude is dragging around a naked boy?" asked the villager.

"Yyyyup," said Alfon. "That's my nephew!"

"And you're just letting this happen?" asked the villager.

By now, the creepy guy had dragged Link very far away.

"Yyyyup," said Alfon. "I have another call coming in, please hold."

The villager hung up in frustration.

The man finally got Link back to the hospital, where they decided to make him wear a dress.

"Link no like," said Link. He tried to take the dress off.

"Not happening. Come on, let's go!" coaxed a nurse.

"Awww… Link!" said all the nurses that saw him last week. "You look so beautiful in a dress! You should wear them more often!"

"Ehhh?" asked Link in a scratchy voice.

"Come on! We're almost there!" said the lady guiding Link.

"No," said Link. "Link sick. Link no come on."

"You're sick and that's why you're here," said the lady. "Oh, and keep the dress. Take it home with you. It looks good on you. Plus, you're not wearing anything underneath it."

Link stroked the sleeve of his dress. Then he looked at the nurse.

"Ehhh?" he asked.

"No hugs, Link," said the nurse as Link tried to hug her. Link looked very disappointed.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'm not allowed to. I'm sorry. But you look very beautiful, trust me," said the nurse.

Link sat down on the toilet.\\

"Of all the places you could sit?" asked the nurse. "That can't be very comfy."

'No," said Link scornfully. "Link gotta pee! Pee no come! Pee no come! AaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHH!"

"Stand up now!" said then nurse.

"No!" said Link. "No way!" He started stomping on the floor.

"Don't do that! It makes too much noise!" said the nurse.

"No look," said Link. The nurse shut Link in the bathroom. "Just tell me when you're ready to come out," she said.

2 hours later and Link is still in there.

"Link, are you even okay?" asked the nurse. "You've been in there for 2 hours. Do you need help?"

Suddenly, a hand came through from the slot underneath the door.

"That's not safe!" said the nurse. "You could get your hand pinched!"

Lin k made the okay sign and then put his hand away.

"Done now?!" said the nurse.  
Link stood up and started banging his head against the door.

"No!" said the nurse. "Just finish what you're doing and get out!"

Link stepped into the bathtub and started jumping around in there.

"That's enough! I'm just glad this door doesn't lock!" said the nurse, pushing the door open and glaring at Link. Link curled up in the bathtub and fell asleep. The nurse put a blanket over Link and left the room. The next time the nurse came in, Link had consumed a whole bottle of shampoo.

"No! My job!" said the nurse. "Shampoo is for your hair, not to eat! How did you get it? We don't even provide shampoo!"

Link just laughed at her and spit out all kinds of soapy bubbles.

The nurse grabbed the bottle and discovered there was still a little bit left.

"This is salon quality, too! Seriously, Link? Where did it come from?" She made Link sit in the bathtub and then she squirted the last drop of shampoo in his hair and then massaged it in.

"Link," she said. "Did anybody ever tell you that your hair feels like girl hair?" she asked.

"Ye-ah!" said Link excitedly, pounding around in the bathtub.

"Let's turn on the shower," said the nurse. Water sprayed all over Link, and soon he was covered in suds.

"What in Skyloft are you doing?" a man behind her asked.

She turned around. It was Alfon!

"Ummm…. I'm giving Link a shower!" said the nurse.

"Why?!" Why?" asked Alfon as if something tragic had happened. "The slot under this door is too big! How will you get privacy? And why is Link wearing a dress?"

"Because he ate shampoo," said the nurse.

"He ate shampoo? He'll get diarrhea!" said Alfon.

Link burped and smiled.

"Link Rinku, I'm very ashamed in you!" said Alfon. "Come to my house and water my plants now!"

"He must stay here until he recovers," said the nurse.

"No. Link come Uncle Alfon!" said Link.

"You jerk," said the nurse. "Whose hair will I shampoo without you?"

Link began crying like a baby.

"What did you do now?" asked Alfon.

The nurse picked Link up and Link starting patting her face. "No!" she said. "Why are you being such a baby?"

Link pointed to the toilet and groaned.

"I knew he would get diarrhea!" said Alfon. "I hope it gets all over you, you jerk!"

"No," said Link apathetically. The nurse let Link sit on the toilet. Link repetitively flushed the toilet and the nurse got very annoyed. "I quit! Alfon, you can take my job!"

"I'm no nurse!" said Alfon. "I'm a security guard!"

The nurse was gone. Link looked at Alfon innocently. "Pee?" he asked offeringly.

"Are you making any?" he asked.

"Mmmm…" Link thought about it for a few seconds. "No," he said.

"Then why did you ask?!" cried Alfon, heartbroken.

Link looked his watch that he all of a sudden happened to be wearing. Then he set a digital timer on his watch and showed Alfon how much time was left.

"What are you timing?" asked Alfon.

"Pee!" said Link.

"Ok, that's a long wait, Link, but alright," sighed Alfon. "Want to lick the crumbs out of my mustache?"

"Yeh," said Link hoarsely.

Alfon leaned over so Link could lick the crumbs out of Alfon's mustache. Link licked Alfon's nose.

"Hey!" said Alfon. "That's not my mustache!"

Link squealed and started clapping as if that was the funniest thing that had ever happened. Link laughed so hard that he fell of the toilet. "Oh, what the heck," said Alfon, leaving the building.

Link scooched on his butt out of the bathroom. Then he stood up behind the door. Somebody opened the door and it hit him. Link fell over, shocked.

"Where's the patient?!" asked the man who had opened the door. "Doctor Alfon is here!" He started twirling his purse. Link looked at Alfon, paralyzed with fear. Alfon was wearing doctor's clothes. "Ha, ha, my boy," said Alfon, ruffling Link's hair. "Purse candy?"

Link shook his head, still in shock. Alfon twirled a stethoscope and it flew away and hit Link. "Oof," said Link. Link laid down on the floor.

"Need a blanket, Linksum?" asked Alfon. He took a blanket out of a trash bag. "Why was this blanket in the trash?" he wondered. He shook the blanket up and down violently, and mixed vegetables fell off of it. Link cheered excitedly. Then he ran and scooped up the little veggies and popped them into his mouth.

"Hmm…" said Alfon. "How can we help?" He shook the blanket harder and craft beads flew off of the blanket and spilled all over the floor. "Woah, woah!" Alfon slipped on the beads and fell over. Link snorted and picked up the blanket and shook it. Nothing came off. "Huh?" he wondered. Link consumed several beads before he laid down across Alfon's fat belly.

"Can't-move…" said Alfon.

When Link woke up, he was in the hospital bed. Alfon was also in the bed. Link was on top of Alfon in the bed. The nurse that said she quit eventually came back and took pictures and showed them to all her friends.

"I wonder what Link is up to now," said Zelda/

"He's sleeping on top of Alfon," said Gaepora. "I swear it!"

"How do you know? How do you know?" asked Zelda teasingly.

"Shut up and go to your room!" said Gaepora.

":(" said Zelda.

"Go on, now!"Gaepora guided Zelda to her bedroom. Zelda turned around and kicked her father

"Doy, no!" said Gaepora. "Respect your father!"

"Doddy," said Zelda. "You are not really my father, are you?"

"Well, of course I am, my doy!" said Gaepora

"No, you're not," said Zelda/ "You're too old to be my father. You could be my grandfather you're so old."

"Zelda! How rude!" said Gaepora.

"Well, it's true!" said Zelda. "My real parents live all the way across Skyloft. You aren't my father at all. You're just a creepy old man and you kidnapped me when I was a baby!"

"That's not true, you liar!" said Gaepora.

"It is! My true parents finally found me! They want me back! I'm a twin! They're just looking for my brother now!" said Zelda.

"Get that crazy story out of your head, my doy!" said Gaepora. "It's all lies! You're being psychotic!"

"Not as psychotic as Karane," said Zelda. "I'm going home. I don't belong in a boarding school!"

"Wait! Zelda! Come back!" cried Gaepora. "My doy, my darling."

When Zelda left, she saw the trail that had been made as Link had been dragged away. "What happened here?" she asked. "Someone must have been hurt! I will follow this path!"


	24. Chapter 24

Now at this moment, Link was awake and trying to get out of his bed. Alfon was still sleeping on the bed. Link decided to stand up on top of Alfon's face. Alfon did not even move. At least he stopped snoring.

"Oh, yeah!" said Link. He jumped and hung off the room's curtains. The curtains fell off.

"Oh, no," said Link. He fell; and became smothered in the curtains. Although Link had learned basic language skills, he was incapable of saying one somewhat important word: "Help".

And Link needed help quite often.

A nurse heard the commotion and rushed in. "ALFON RINKU! WHAT are you DOING on the patient's bed?!"

"Huh?" said Alfon. "I was providing a gentle, soft cushion for my favorite nephew."

"Why is he on the floor, then? And what happened to the beautiful curtains? NO! THE CURTAINS!" the nurse wailed.

"Where's my nephew?" said Alfon.

"He's underneath the poor curtains!" said the nurse. "Help me save them!" She began unwrapping the curtains and Link kicked her in the face.

"Ahhhh, no!" said the nurse. "Not this kind of foolishness! Not today!"

Link started crying and the nurse put him on top of Alfon. "Leave, ALFON! Don't come back!" 

"But, my nephew's on top of me!" said Alfon. "Should I take him too?"

"No! Leave him here! He's full of shampoo!" said the nurse.

"Link no like," said Link.

"He is?" said Alfon. "Let me shake him and hear the shampoo moving around inside his belly!"

"Do not shake him," said the nurse. "He is very uncomfortable. He might puke on you!"

"Oh, goody!" said Alfon.

Link made a discomforted face. "Link no pee," he said, looking at his watch.

"You promised me!" said Alfon. "I'm taking all your privileges away!" He took the curtain and folded them up, then stuffed them inside his purse. Then, he put Link's pillow in his purse. "You cannot have any of these luxuries, RINKU!"

Link made a puppy-dog face.

Alfon handed the nurse his purse. "Burn these inferior and primitive garments!"

"Do you know what you just said?" asked the nurse.

"NO! Alfon never does!" said Alfon.

By that time, Zelda had made her way across the path to the front door. Alfon was yelling and Zelda could hear it. "He's too loud!" said Zelda.

Zelda pushed the door open and came inside.

A security guard glared at Zelda. "Aren't you a little too young to qualify as an independent visitor?"

"What is the minimum age?" Zelda asked.

"18," said the security guard.

"I'll be 18 in 6 months!" said Zelda.

"Well, wait six months and then you can come in," said the security guard.

"Uncle Alfon is there!" said Zelda.

"You mean ALFON RINKU?" said the security guard. "He's my favorite coworker! Always jolly and full of fun! Qualities you usually wouldn't see in a security guard."

Right now, Gaepora was very stressed. His own daughter left him, accusing him of being a kidnapper and insisted that her real parents were elsewhere. If only Zelda had met her mom. Then she would understand where she had come from. It's too bad she hadn't. Now she only knew her dad, and it seemed that she doubted him as her father.

Gaepora knew he had to go look for Zelda, but who would attend to the academy? The last time he was gone, chaos occurred. Link had become very sick. He wasn't any better up to today.

Gaepora wanted Link back now. After all, wasn't he well enough to wander all the way over here? He also wanted Zelda back. How could he convince her to stay? Now Gaepora decided that the only way to get Zelda back was to try. Alfon, on the other hand, was in Gaepora's opinion, a total jerk, restricting the learning of Gaepora's own student.

Gaepora left the academy without telling anyone why or how to reach him in an emergency. He was wearing his dress (robe) and ugly man sandals. He took one step. Plop! His sandal hit the cement dramatically. He lifted his other foot to take another step. PLOP! That sandal also hit the cement dramatically. He tried to take another step. BUMP! His butt slid down the cement stairs dramatically.

Bam! Bam! Bam! The fat headmaster slid down the cement steps dramatically.

"Woah!" said Horwell Horwell, who was on the roof of the academy. "Sir, are you alright?"

The headmaster cursed at Horwell Horwell.

Horwell's face looked like he had been sucking on a lemon. "Hey! It's not my fault you're so unsteady on your feet! Considering you spend almost all day sitting in your office! You hardly leave!"

"So what?!" snapped Gaepora, still lying across the steps. "I'm an old man! I can't walk that well anymore!"

"Getting up anytime soon?" asked Horwell Horwell in a slightly teasing manner.

"Help," said Gaepora.

Pipit was coming back from who-knows-where. He made his way up the steps. Of course, he noticed the headmaster just lying across the middle of the steps. He walked right over him.

"Hey! Watch it, mister!" said the old man. "You stepped on me! I can't even move!"

Pipit just glanced at him and made his way into the academy.

"Don't go in there, mister!" said Gaepora. Of course, Pipit didn't listen. After all, how threatening is an old man who does nothing but lie there?  
Pipit went inside and went into the classroom where Owlan was teaching.

"Pipit, you are so late that I'm going to have to punish you," said Owlan. "We were all waiting for you."

Pipit made a discomforted face. "I can explain!" he said.

"How would you explain?" asked Owlan.

"I was at my house, helping my mom clean!" Pipit lied.

"You could do that after class," said Owlan. "Sit down!"

"NO!" yelled Pipit. "I have errands to run! I only came to tell you that there is a gross old man lying on the steps to the academy!"

"I'm old!" said Owlan.

"A fat old man," said Pipit.

"Santa Clause?" asked Owlan excitedly. "Hey, kids, Santa is here!" He ran out of the classroom.

A few minutes later, Owlan came into the building disappointed. "It's not Santa Clause," he said. "Just the creepy old headmaster."

All the kids moaned in disappointment.

"Is he alright?" asked Pipit.

"No, but who cares?!" said Owlan. "He's just a creepy old man anyway!"

"You're old, too," said Pipit.

"So? At least I move around a lot, so I don't get into situations like this!" retorted Owlan.

"Are you just going to leave him there?" asked Pipit.

"What else would I do, move him? He's probably very heavy. I already had enough trouble moving Link to his bed after the time he fainted," said Owlan illogically.

Just then, Horwell Horwell came in. "Hey, guys! There's an old man on the stairs outside!"

Owlan does a facepalm. "We know!"


	25. Zelda continued

Zelda continued trying to get in to see Link, but with no luck. Soon, an ambulance pulled up to the hospital, making a lot of noise, which scared the heck out of Zelda.

"What was that?!" she said.

"Go home, little girl!" said the police officer.

"I'm not little!" said Zelda. "I'm 17! I will be 18 soon! Just wait! You can see me aging right in front of you!"  
"Are you mentally ill?!" said the security guard.

"No," said Zelda. "Maybe you are!"

The security guard's face shriveled up.

"Too much lemon juice?" asked Zelda.

The security guard pointed toward Link's room.

Zelda sang and skipped down the hallway.

"Quiet!" yelled Alfon. "My nephew's body is healing from a horrible infection!"

Zelda glared at Alfon. "Can I see Link?"

"No!" said Alfon. "This will be too much for you to handle. I'm afraid you cannot see Link in this condition."

"I'm tolerant," said Zelda.

"Well, I'm not!" roared Alfon, breathing his stinky breath in Zelda's face.

The ribbons that Gaepora put In Zelda's hair that morning flew out of her hair because of the powerful breath of Alfon.

Zelda's hair began to look mistreated. "How could you do this?!" she screamed.

Alfon looked hurt. "I didn't know my breath was that strong," he said. "Alright, Zelda! You can see Link for 1 second!"

Zelda rushed in, and then Alfon said, "Wait! He's on the potty! You'll have to come back some other time!"

"He'll be there forever," said Zelda, sighing.

"Let's watch some television!" said Alfon cheerfully, handing Zelda a remote. "Pick whatever channel you want!"

Zelda started flipping channels. "Why are all the channels blocked?" she asked.

"I don't know," said Alfon. "How about some purse candy?"

"Not hungry," said Zelda.

"It's past lunchtime!" said Alfon. "I'm hungry!"

"I can't eat with all those grunting sounds coming from the bathroom," said Zelda.

"I can!" said Alfon.

"Seriously," said Zelda. "You should go in there and help him!"

"Will you unblock all the channels?" Alfon asked.

"I'll try, but I'm not the most tech-savvy," said Zelda. "And who makes those kinds of noises?"

"A very constipated Hylian," said Alfon.


	26. Link passed out

Link passed out and fell off of the toilet. It made a loud noise.

"What was that?!" yelled Zelda.

"Ummm... It's just Link," said Alfon. "No worries."

"Is he alright? It sounds like he fell!" said Zelda.

"So what," said Alfon. "He'll get up!"

"I must make sure he hasn't been hurt AGAIN!" said Zelda.

"But if he is naked you will see stuff you shouldn't!" said Alfon. "I'll check on him!"

Zelda scowled. "At this rate, Link will never get better," she said.

Alfon knocked on the bathroom door. "Link Rinku, are you okay in there?"

Link could not answer. He was not conscious. He passed out from squeezing too hard.

"I need a nurse in here!" yelled Alfon. "My nephew is hurt!"  
A nurse rushed in. "Where is he?"

"In the bathroom. On the floor!" Alfon worried. "Hurry up and save his life!"

The nurse opened the door and screamed. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!"

"What's' wrong?" asked Alfon.

"He's unconscious!" said the nurse. "We must get him back in his bed!"

"He never got to pee," said Zelda sympathetically.

The nurse moved Link over and plopped him down forcefully. Link started to move.

"At least he's alive," said Alfon.

Link woke up and screamed for no reason.

"My ears!" said Zelda.

Link stopped and giggled, then started drooling everywhere.

"He has no idea what he is doing!" said Alfon.

"He's drooling because his jaw is injured," said the nurse sternly. "Today, he is getting it fixed."

Alfon gaped. "You're telling me that Link was here for a whole week and you did nothing to help him?"

"It's Link's fault! He won't go pee!" said the nurse.

"Maybe he doesn't have to," said Zelda.

Alfon snorted and glared at Zelda. "He can't 'not have to' for over a week, SMELLda!"

"That's what you know," said Zelda. "Huh, baby?" She began stroking Link's long, dirty-blonde hair.

Link snarled and snapped at Zelda's hand as if he was a deku-baba.

Zelda pulled back. "Link," she said, "Please don't become vicious!"

Link sighed and pulled his head into his dress like a turtle. Then a light bulb appeared over the dress collar, where a bit of his scruffy mane of hair stuck out. He tore the dress off.

"NO!" said Zelda, covering her eyes. The nurse escorted Zelda out of the room and once Zelda had left, she made Link put the dress back on.

"Link no like," said Link.

"You're beautiful," said the nurse, trying to reassure Link. She tried to pet his hair. Link growled at her.

"You used to love this kind of affection," said the nurse. "What has gotten into you?"

"Link NO like!" said Link.

That same day, Karane also passed out. Who knows why. She woke up from the goodnight spray way too early and before she passed out again, she was being irrational and vicious.

"Why am I here?!" she yelled. "What happened? I need to go back to school!" She continued stressing out and whining and eventually ended up beating herself up, and then she rammed her head against a wall until she fell over. She's hopeless.


	27. Link begins to

Link began using sign language. "Plastic bottle," he said over and over again.

"Why do you want a plastic bottle?" asked the nurse.

Just give it to me, Link signed.

"I'll see if I can find one," said the nurse. "But do not eat it or anything!"

Water, signed Link.

"You cannot drink anything," said the nurse.

"Why not?" asked Link.

"Because you're very full and will pop!" said the nurse.

"No," said Link. Plastic bottle of water now!

"Fine. But I'm very curious to know what you would do with it!" said the nurse. Finally, she brought Link a plastic bottle of water and handed it to Link. The lid was duct-taped on.

Link frowned as he examined it. Too cold, he signed. Make it warm!

"Now what in Skyloft would you want it warm for?" the nurse asked. "You are one strange little fellow."

"Yeh!" Link nodded. Warm now!

The nurse put the bottle in the microwave and set the cook time for a few minutes. The water began to sizzle and the bottle started to implode.

Alfon, who had left earlier to find a vending machine, came back and said, "You're cooking that water in the microwave? In a bottle with duct tape on it? Are you nuts? Look, the bottle is imploding, you fool!"

BEEP! Beep! Beep! The microwave finished. The nurse took out the sizzling water bottle and handed it to Link.

Link giggled with joy, and then gently poked the bottle. It sprung a leak and Link got the water everywhere.

"What a mess!" said the nurse. "Link, WHY?!

"Link leak," said Link. "Link pee now?"

"I'll give you all day," said the nurse.

Now, Karane is being interrogated.

"What is your name?" asked someone who Karane could not identify.

"I don't give my name to strangers," said Karane angrily.

"Then how would you meet new people?"

"I… stay close with the few friends I have," said Karane. "Now, where am I?"

"That is not important right now," said the person. "Can you tell me your age?"

"Never!" said Karane, getting off of the floor.

"Can you tell me anything about yourself?" asked the person.

"What do you want to know?" asked Karane.

"How do you feel?" asked the person.

"Very cross," said Karane, fuming.

"Why," said the person apathetically.

"Because!" yelled Karane, standing up on the table behind her. "I don't know where I am, or you are!"

"Get off of the table please," said the person.

"In your dreams!" yelled Karane. "Tell me where I am, and then we can talk about mercy!"

"You are in a juvenile institution!"

"What da*** is that?" asked Karane.

"Maybe it's better you don't know," said the person mysteriously. "NOW, GET OFF THE TABLE!"

"What if I don't?" Karane teased.

"We will lock you in a dark room with nothing to do and strap you to a bed!" said the person.

"I'm also not a juvenile," said Karane. "I will not tell you my age, but I will let you know that I am over 18."

"The shame," said the person. "I guess we'll put you in a higher security level."

"WHY am I here?" asked Karane.

"You're only here until you can control yourself," said the person.

"Control myself?" spat Karane. "I am very well controlled!"

"Then why are you standing on the table?" asked the person.

"I will not out myself to limits," said Karane.

"The shame," said the person. "I guess we'll have to restrain you!"'

Karane crumbled into a ball and started wailing.

"No, no, please no! I'll be good! Just don't restrain me and my life! People want me, you know!"

"You've messed things up badly for yourself, young lady," said the person. "The more you act like this, the less people want you in your lives. Do you have a friend named Zelda?"

"Yes! I love her! I miss her!" wailed Karane.

"Zelda doesn't want to be your friend anymore," said the person, "She said your mood swings have been too unpredictable. It's getting dangerous!"

"I try to be gentle!" said Karane.

"Gentle isn't enough! This friendship is not just bent, it's broken!" said the person.

"How do you know about Zelda?" screamed Karane.

"The fat man told me," said the person. "Why not take a nap?!"

"No bed," said Karane.

"You will sleep on the floor!" said the person.

"I hate you!" said Karane.

"I hate you, too," said the person, slipping out of the room.

Karane ripped her hat off and started pulling on her pigtails.


	28. 1 MONTH LATER

**1 MONTH LATER**

Karane mysteriously showed back up at the academy. Who knows why. Her doctor said,

"Make her take all these craziness pills or she is going to keep acting like this."

"I won't!" said Karane.

"Won't what, my doy?" asked Gaepora.

"Take all those stupid pills! I'm perfectly sane!" cried Karane.

"Now Karane is back," said Zelda. "Where is Link?"

"Maybe dead somewhere," said Karane, grabbing a twig off the ground and chewing on it.

"Do not say that!" said Zelda. "Link is my best friend! He's so sweet and kind!" She began cradling a picture of Link in a golden frame.

"I'm more sweet and kind," said Karane.

"Here we go again," said Zelda.

"No one has talked about Link for weeks," said Gaepora. "I hope all is well."

"I hope not," said Karane. "I want Zelda to pay more attention to me!"

"That's rude!" scolded Zelda.

"I haven't even heard from Alfon," said Gaepora.

"Now that's odd," said Zelda. "Surely he would say something if anything happened to Link?"

"I guess not," said Karane. "Come on, Zelda, let's have a tea party!"

"No," said Zelda. "Why would I have a tea party with you when you've been such a lame excuse for a friend lately?"

"I'm a good friend!" wailed Karane.

"At least Link knows the true meaning of friendship!" said Zelda, but in actuality she doubted that he knew the meaning of anything.

"He knows nothing!" said Karane.

"He knows more than you!" said Zelda.

"I guess we can't be friends, then," said Karane, putting n sunglasses and casually strolling away.

"FINE! I don't need a rotten friend like you anyway!" said Zelda, seeming to be the only normal person in the story at this point.

Karane ran up to her room and cried.

"I really worry about Link now," said Zelda. "No news at all! No reports, no nothing! Is he doing any better? It's been weeks!"

Gaepora patted Zelda's shoulder. "There, there," he said. "I'm not sure what's going on with Link, but worrying about him won't make anything better, now, will it?"

"I want to see him!" said Zelda. "He needs my love!"

"You cannot," said Gaepora. "You are too young to visit him."

"I have no one to talk to again!" said Zelda.

"My doy, talk to Karane," said Gaepora.

"Are you crazy? That girl hates me now!" said Zelda.

"I'm sure she doesn't," said Gaepora. He actually had crutches now after he fell down the stairs. His ugly sandals slapped the cement dramatically as his belly jiggled.

"Then why did she cuss at me?" said Zelda.

Karane stepped out of the door onto the roof and yelled, "Because I like vulgar language!" There were tears streaming down her face.

"Shut up!" said Zelda. "Jump off that roof and die!"

"OK!" said Karane. She jumped off and landed on the fat, limping headmaster.

"Oh, doy," said Gaepora.

"I'm alive! How terrible! I have displeased my best friend!" said Karane.

"It's ok, Karane, you don't have to die if you don't want to," Zelda reassured.

"Ok," said Karane. "Let's have a tea party!"

"No," said Zelda.

"Ok, be a jerk like that, after I finally came back to you, after a month of suffering!"" Karane exaggerated.

"But we could ride loftwings or something," said Zelda.

Karane totally blanked out. Zelda snapped her fingers. Karane trancedly said,

"Riding loftwings always calmed Link down," Karane said.

"He never took it seriously!" wailed Zelda.

"He's… different," said Karane. "I think he wants to just relax and enjoy life to its fullest."

"But we all need to be serious sometimes! Whatever is Link good for if he can't take anything seriously?" asked Zelda.

"I don't think he understands how to be serious," said Karane. "His mind must be very unusual."

"Something about these birds…" said Zelda. "They make him happier! Let's fly to the hospital!"

"But we're only kids!" said Karane.

"You said you were 20, right?" asked Zelda. "I'm not 18 yet, so you can let me in!"

"I don't want to see Link," said Karane. "I could do better without him!"

"I don't want him to be so upset," said Zelda. "He's probably so lonely. Not even Alfon sees him anymore! And you know he loves company!"

"Link bit me once," said Karane.

"That was years ago, Karane!" said Zelda. "He was 15! He will be 18 soon, and me, too!"

"Do you think he will be out for his birthday?" asked Karane.

"I hope so," said Zelda. "I wouldn't like to spend my birthday in the hospital!"

"Fine, let's go see him," said Karane.  
The two took off toward the hospital.


	29. The guard

The guard didn't even suspect anything and let Zelda and Karane in.

"Where is he?" asked Karane, pulling out a map.

"In room 88D," said Zelda. "How did you even obtain that map?"

"The security guard gave it to me as a souvenir!" said Karane. "He said to come back again soon!"

"Come on, let's go!" said Zelda, gently nudging Karane forward.

"Don't push me!" said Karane. She looked about to cry.

Zelda ran into the place where Link was supposed to be, but she didn't see him anywhere.

"Where is that beautiful boy?" she demanded.

"Oops, I left him in the bath by mistake. He's been very quiet," said the nurse.

"Did he drown?"asked Zelda.

"Well, he's been in there for a few days," said the nurse. "He must have been really dirty! Even dirtier than your best friend!"

"Hey!" said Karane, walking into the room with a bag of chips.

"Where did you get that?" asked the nurse.

"There was vending machine," said Karane.

"Aren't you going to make sure Link is alive?" asked Zelda.

"No, because I really don't care either way," said the nurse.

Zelda took a sword out of her purse and chopped the door down. Link was sleeping in the bathtub.

"He could drown like that, you fool!" said Zelda. "You're fired!"

"But, you're not my boss!" said the nurse. "This girl is!" She pointed to Karane.

Link's head was about to go under the water. The bathtub also carried an excessive amount of rubber ducks.

The nurse stomped in and pulled Link's head up by his hair.

"Hey! NO!" yelled Link, and he bit the nurse.

"How are you the boss?" Zelda asked Karane.

"Good looks get you anywhere," said Karane, even though, ironically, she is very ugly.

"You're ugly!" said Zelda. "Right, Link?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" said Link, jumping out of the tub. Several rubber ducks came with him.

"I'm not ugly!" said Karane. "You are!"

Zelda screamed and jumped into the bathtub. "So… warm…" she said. "I think I might pee!"

Link winked.

"Don't look at me!" said Zelda. She picked up a rubber duck and filled it with water, then sprayed it all over Link who was only wearing a bathrobe (who knows when he put that on).

"AAAAAAgh! No! Link no like!" said Link.

"Do not squirt Link!" said the nurse. "He's like a son to me!"

"Would you drown your own child?" asked Zelda, not wanting to get out of the water.

"No! Only Link! Because he's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen!" said the nurse.

Link put out his hand to help Zelda out of the bathtub.

"No thanks, Link! This water is nice! It smells just like you!" said Zelda.

Link made a very confused face.

"Come on, Linky-pie, let's go to your bed," said the nurse, gently guiding him.

"No," said Link.

"Are you not tired?" the nurse asked.

"Link no like," said Link, pointing to the bed.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" asked the nurse.

"Yeh!" said Link.

"Well, you can't because it's the hospital rules!" yelled the nurse. "Now, sit down!"

"No!" said Link.

"But you're so pretty," said the nurse.

"Let him do what he wants!" said Karane, who was chewing on a chip,

"No!" said the nurse.

Link put out his hand toward the nurse. "I am Link!" he said.

"Zip it!" said the nurse. "Hold my hand and we can walk together!"

"Do you know an Alfon Rinku?" asked Zelda. She came in wet and dirty and smelling like Link.

"Uncle Alfon!" said Link.

"Where? Where?" asked the nurse, tickling Link.

Link stopped and stiffened up with his arms and legs in the air.

Then he started whimpering and pointing to the ceiling.

"Alfon is not up there!" said the nurse.

"Yeh! Link come!"  
"Where is Uncle Alfon?" asked the nurse.

"Over there!" said Luigi.

Zelda screamed. "What is Luigi doing in here?"

"Aww, this is not where my brother is?" asked Luigi.

"Nope, so scram!" said Zelda.

Luigi ran for his life.

"When did you last see Alfon?" asked the nurse.

Link just made a confused face. He was unable to answer.

"Where are your parents?" asked the nurse,

Link pointed to the ceiling again.

"Liar!" said the nurse.

"Uh-huh! Link know!" said the nurse.

"Can I use the bathtub?" asked Karane.

"In your dreams!" said the nurse. "The bathtub is for patients only!"

"But I'm stinky and dirty!" said Karane.  
"That's no excuse. Go home!" said the nurse.  
"Link no see Uncle Alfon," said Link, covering his eyes and shaking his head. Then he covered his ears and shook his head.

"Doy," said Gaepora, limping into the room. "There you two are. You're both in big trouble."

"What?! No!" cried Karane. "This was Zelda's idea!"

Zelda groaned. "Doddy, why are you here?"

"I came to give Link his school work, my doy! He needs to catch up on is education!" said Gaepora.

"He's sick!" said Zelda, snuggling with Link. Link was wrapped up in blankets.

"Sickness is no excuse, my doy!" said Gaepora. "He must complete this all by tomorrow!'" The headmaster dropped a pile of textbooks on Link's bed.

"No, Doddy! Don't make Link work!" said Zelda. "Work ruins Link's life!"

Link stuck out his tongue.

The nurse glared at the headmaster. "Get out of here, fatso!" she yelled.

"Doy," said Gaepora. "Do not call me fat! I built the Knight Academy! And I will make it bigger! Give me a drill!"

The nurse gave Gaepora a drill. Gaepora put on a construction helmet and tool belt, and ran off to the academy.

"Oh, no," said Link.

The nurse gave Link a stethoscope. "Here, you can play with this."

Link spent several minutes listening to his own heartbeat and chewing the stethoscope apart. Then, suddenly, his stomach growled very loudly.

"Uh, oh!" said Link.

"What's wrong?" asked the nurse.

Link began whimpering and groaning as he patted his stomach rapidly and nervously.

"What has got you so worked up?" asked the nurse.

Link did the sign for "I am empty".

The nurse glared at Link. "I cannot feed you, because then you will want a drink. And you cannot drink!"

Link made a puppy-dog face.

The nurse said, "Okay, Rinku. But first, you must…"

Link looked up in anticipation.

"Fart," said the nurse.

"No," said Link.

"Yes!" said the nurse. "If you don't fart, you don't get any food!"

Link began panting and smacking his lips.

"Hold on!" said the nurse.

Link's eyes were very sunken.

Karane and Zelda had already left to chase after Zelda's crazy dad.

The nurse left the room and came back with a bottle of spray tan.

"It's time for a makeover!" she yelled and then began aggressively spraying Link with the bottle.

"No, no! Link no like!" Link groaned.

The spray tan stuff got all over the white bed and stained it. Then the nurse's eyes bulged out of her head.

"Hey! I have to go tighten Groose's corset!" she said, and took off quickly. Link dropped down and began crying as if he were heartbroken.

Groose was waiting in an unoccupied hospital room for the nurse to lace him up.

"Ready?" the nurse asked.

"Yep! I'm ready to become manly!" said Sick Groose, nodding.

The nurse grabbed the laces and pulled as hard as she could.

"Oww! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" yelled Sick Groose. "That hurts! My organs may have been crushed!"

"Should I loosen it?" asked the nurse, sympathetically.

"Mmmhmm," Groose said, nodding,.

The nurse loosened the laces a little bit.


	30. Ahhhh

"Awww, that's better," said Sick Groose. "Now, you're probably wondering why I'm here today. After all, Groose is the picture of perfect health!"

"Why are you here?" asked the nurse curiously.

"I came here to visit my little buddy, Link," said Sick Groose.

"He's right across from you," said the nurse. "Why don't I take you to see him?"

Groose nodded, and the nurse led him in.

"Link, look who is here! Your buddy, Groose!" said the nurse.

"No!" said Link. "Link no like sick Groose!"

Groose gaped. "No! Is it over between us? I brought you get-well flowers!" Groose pulled a bouquet of flowers out of his purse.

"Link like!" said Link, grabbing for the flowers. He sniffed deeply, than collapsed on the floor with his nostrils all swollen.

"What did you do to Link?" asked the nurse. "Those flowers killed him!"

"You mean, those flowers killed her," said Sick Groose. "Link is my girlfriend!"

"Get. Out!" said the nurse.

Meanwhile…

Gaepora took of his construction helmet and tool belt and lay down behind the academy. "It is finished!" he said. "The new expansions are complete!"

Zelda gazed up in awe. "What did you add?" she asked.

"Another classroom and a nurse's office," said Gaepora.

"But we don't have a nurse or another teacher," said Karane.

"I hired a new person," said Gaepora, nodding. "It's your mom!"

Karane's jaw dropped. "No! Not my mom! Now I can't misbehave! Wait, is she the nurse or the new teacher?"

"Both," said Gaepora.

"How can she be both? She doesn't have a degree for either!" Karane ripped out a chunk of her hair and threw it at Zelda. "Here! Take this gift! It's the last of me you'll be seeing!" She then ran down the academy stairs.

"As soon as Link gets his butt over here, then Karane's mom will start working here," said Gaepora.

"But why does this depend on Link coming?" asked Zelda.

"Because this new teacher will escort Link to class and protect him from Groose! Link is getting a personal assistant!" said Gaepora.

"He's fine," said Zelda.

"Link needs to find the potty," said Gaepora. "And did you notice how he's usually out in the hallway instead of in class? That will happen no more!"

"What is the new teacher's name?" asked Zelda.

"Her name is Ms. Raven," said Gaepora. "Her name is Karane, mah doy!"

"It is not Karane! You said it was Karane's mom!"

"Her name is Karen," said Gaepora. "Now shut up and leave me alone!"

"Well somebody's moody today," mumbled Zelda.

"I heard that!" said Gaepora, starting up the electric drill.

He ran and chased after Zelda around Skyloft with it.

Just then, a red-haired lady walked up to the academy and knocked on the door. Horwell Horwell answered it.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am the new teacher Gaepora hired," said the lady.

"Is he- replacing me?!" gasped Horwell Horwell,

"No," said the lady. "I will work here now!"

"The headmaster is not here right now," said Horwell Horwell. "He is chasing his daughter with a power drill."

"Who did I say I would work for?" wondered the lady. "I guess I don't really need this job!"

"No, I guess I was a little too hard on you," said Horwell Horwell. "I'll show you around."

"Oh, really?" said the lady with a sour face. "Shouldn't I wait until the headmaster comes back?"

"Believe me, he's not the best tour guide," said Horwell Horwell. "He can't take things seriously."

"Then I guess he'll have to hire somebody else," said the lady.

"No! Come back! I'll get you some student milk and nice, hot, soup!"

"Student milk?" asked the lady, her eyebrow rising. "What the heck is that?"

"Milk for the students, my doy!" said sweaty Gaepora, entering the scene, holding the power drill.

"Oh, are you the headmaster?" asked the lady.

"Yes, mah doy! I apologize for not greeting you at the door. I was chasing my daughter with a power drill!"

"Why would you do that?" asked the lady.

"She was being a jerk," said Gaepora. "Just like her buddy Karane!"

"You dare call my daughter a jerk?" asked the lady. "I know she can be disagreeable at times, but she's a real sweetheart most of the time."

"She hasn't been the least bit sweet these past few weeks," said Gaepora. "She's become a bit of a sourpuss!"

"Do not insult my daughter!" said the lady. "If you call her a mean name one more time, I will remove her from your program!"

"Now I know where she gets her personality from," mumbled Gaepora.

"Am I getting a tour of this mother or what?" screamed the lady.

"First, tell me why I should hire you," said Gaepora calmly.

"Because I am trustworthy, dependable, patient and can keep my cool," said the lady.

Gaepora scribbled something on a chewed-up piece of paper.

"Do you work well with children?" asked Gaepora.

"Yes! I love children!" said the lady cheerfully. "If Karane wasn't so unruly, I would have had more!"

Gaepora glared at her and continued scribbling. "Are you calm in a crisis and CPR-certified?" he asked.

"No," said Luigi, coming in and sitting in a chair next to Karane's mom.

"He wasn't asking you!" said Karane's mom. "Go away!"

Luigi slouched away.

"When Link gets out of the hospital, you two should meet and see if you work well together," said Gaepora firmly.

"He's a good boy, right?" asked Karane's mom.

"If he was, you wouldn't be here right now," said Gaepora, sucking in his cheeks.

"Why is he bad?" asked Karane's mom.

"He breaks everything. Especially pottery," said Gaepora.

"No biggie," said Karane's mom.

"He never goes where he's supposed to be," said Gaepora.

"I will guide him!" said Karane's mom.

"Very well, then," said Gaepora. "I will tell you when Link comes back."


	31. Link gets his butt over to the Academy

After Link finally got his butt over to the Academy, he instantly decided that he did not like the new teacher, Ms. Raven.

"Link no like!" he proclaimed, denying her handshake. That was a bad sign, since Link was a big fan of handshakes.

"Link! How rude! Be nice to the new teacher!" said Gaepora.

"No!" said Link.

"He's worse than Luigi!" said Ms. Raven.

Link stomped his foot and screamed in Ms. Raven's face.

Ms. Raven took a step back.

"Link no like," Link repeated.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning," said Ms. Raven sharply, obviously trying to hide how offended she was.

"No," said Link.

The next morning, Link was awakened by Ms. Raven rudely and impermissibly flickering his bedroom lights.

"Link no like!" Link groaned and wrapped himself tightly in the bedclothes.

"Time to get up!" snapped Ms. Raven. "You'll miss breakfast!"

"No like," said Link.

Ms. Raven stomped over and ripped the blanket off of Link. Link was in just his undies and socks.

"Put some clothes on, young man!" snapped Ms. Raven.

"No! Link no like!" said Link.

Ms. Raven spanked Link's butt. Link cried and jumped out of bed and ran out of the room and down the hallway.

"Show some decency!" yelled Ms. Raven.

"No way!" said Link, running even faster. "Link gotta pee NOW!"

After Link's system had been cleaned out, he now had to go pee a lot.

"Hurry up!" said Ms. Raven.

Sick Groose was waiting for Link. He tackled Link down as soon as he saw him. "Hey, buddy!" he yelled.

"AAAgh! Link pee on Sick Groose!" complained Link.

"Ew! I'm all wet! Disgusting!" cried Groose, unlatching from Link.

"What is going on here?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Link peed on me!" said Sick Groose.

"Who cares? You're ugly!" said Ms. Raven.

Link crossed his hands in front of himself.

"Not appropriate!" Ms. Raven scolded. "Go change into clean clothes!"

"No way!" said Link.

Ms. Raven pushed Link into his room. "This is the way they should handle you! They're too light on you!"

Link burst out and scurried toward the kitchen.

"Oh, look! Li'l' Link is up bright and early!" said the old Hyena. "Cereal is a soup!"

Link nodded enthusiastically, then held out his hand.

"Sit down, and I'll dish you up some breakfast soup," said the Hyena.

After Link ate his breakfast soup, he was relieved to see that there was no sight of Ms. Raven.

Link cheerfully wandered into the classroom. Then he noticed that Ms. Raven was in there. His jaw dropped.

"Oh, no," he whispered.

Ms. Raven patted the seat next to her. "Come sit down here, Link!" she said.

"No way!" said Link, shaking his head rapidly. He went down and sat next to Zelda. The two were directly next to each other. There was no space between them.

"Ew!" said Zelda. "Give me some space, Link!"

"Nuh-uh," said Link. "You!"

Zelda pushed Link off the edge of the bench.

"Oof!" said Link.

"Don't push Link!" said Ms. Raven. "Help him up!"

"No! He was violating my personal space!" said Zelda. "I don't like him!"

"But it's so cute how he tries to sit in people's laps!" Ms. Raven said.

"That's not cute at all!"said Zelda.

Ms. Raven got out of the seat and helped Link get up, "Link no like you," said Link casually.

"I don't care, you don't have to," said Ms. Raven. "Just follow all the rules!"

"Umm… No!" said Link.

"Why not?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Link no like!" said Link.

"You can't break rules just because you don't like them," said Ms. Raven. "Sit down, now."

Link pointed to Zelda. "Link like!"

"Fine, sit next to Zelda and leave me alone with no friends," complained Ms. Raven.

Link tried to sit next to Zelda again. "Not so close this time, please," said Zelda.

Link gave her a confused expression. Zelda put her purse next to her. "No farther than here!" she said.

Link shook his head and sat down.

Horwell Horwell came into the room.

"Why is Link in his underwear?" he asked.

Link pointed to Ms. Raven.

"Link, what happened?" Horwell Horwell asked.

Link shrugged.

"Can you put some clothes on, sweetie?" Horwell Horwell asked,

"Yeh," said Link and then took Horwell Horwell's sash off and ran away with it.

Link soon came back with his clothes on.

"Good boy," praised Horwell Horwell. "Now, go sit down next to Ms. Raven."

"Why?" asked Link.

"Because you two need to bond. She's going to be sticking around for a while," said Horwell Horwell.

Link gasped and threw himself onto the floor. "No!"

"Get up!" said Ms. Raven. "Come on, sweetie."

Link got up and sat down next to Zelda again.

"I see you have a 'special friend'", said Ms. Raven.

"No," said Link.

Ms. Raven moved and sat on the other side of Link. "How's this?" she asked.

Link shook his head.

"Well, I'm not moving!" yelled Ms. Raven. Karane was on the other side of Zelda, so they were sitting like this:

Ms. Raven-Link-Zelda-Karane

Karane was doing a facepalm.

Link began bouncing in his seat. "Dah, dah, dah, dah!"

"Shhhh!" said Karane.

"Don't be bossy, Raney," said Karane's mom.

"Don't call me that!" said Karane, who apparently had returned to the academy at some point.

Ms. Raven gently patted Link. "Try to calm down, Link. This lesson isn't that exciting… wait it is! Grab the popcorn! Horwell Horwell is so captivating!"

Link squealed in hyperactive excitement.

"Don't get yourself too worked up," said Ms. Raven. "You just came back from the hospital!"

Link began stomping and squealing louder.

"That's it," said Ms. Raven. "Come on, let's take a break."

Ms. Raven escorted Link out of the classroom. "Why are you so worked up?"

"Link like Zelda," said Link.

"Really?" asked Ms. Raven. "How is that even-?"

Link gave Ms. Raven a serious look.

"You can tell Zelda how much you like her after class," said Ms. Raven. "Okay?"

Link nodded and then started punching himself.

"Don't injure yourself!" said Ms. Raven. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"No," said Luigi, and Link kicked him away.

Ms. Raven ran her hand through Link's hair. "Do you want to come to my office?" she asked.

When did she get an office?!

Ms. Raven led Link to the part of the academy that had just been built and opened a door and led Link in. "Now, Link, write how you're feeling."

Link wrote:

Link like Zelda!

Zelda pretty!

Link sit in Zelda's lap!

Link like to!

Why u no let me?

"Do you want to sell this to Zelda?" asked Ms. Raven.

Link shook his head. Give, he signed. For free!

Ms. Raven marched Link back to class and handed Zelda Link's paper. "Here you go! Special delivery!"  
Zelda unfolded the letter and read it. Her face sucked inward. "Link, you're pretty, too, you know!"

"Eh?" Link asked, pointing to himself.

"Yes, you! Tomorrow will you meet me by the waterfall before class?" Zelda said dramatically, jumping out of her seat.

"Sit down, Zelda!" said Horwell Horwell.

"I found myself a new friend," said Zelda.

"No, you didn't!" said Horwell Horwell. "You have known each other forever!"

"This…" said Zelda, "Is the next level!"

Ms. Raven squeezes Link's shoulder. "Good boy! Look how far you've gotten today! You get a cookie!"

Link looked at Ms. Raven curiously. Ms. Raven took a cookie out of her purse and handed it to Link. Link gobbled it ravenously, and then looked up again.

"No more for right now," said Ms. Raven. "But if you keep up the good work, you may get another!"

Link clapped his hands excitedly.

"Let's go to your room and clean!" said Ms. Raven.

"Why?" asked Link.

"Because I was in there earlier and it's a mess!" said Ms. Raven. "Get to work!"

"No!" yelled Link and shoved Ms. Raven.

"Why, you-" said Ms. Raven and then Karane came up.

"Mom!" said Karane. "Maybe you should be a little easier on Link! He's new!"

"What do you mean he's new?" asked Ms. Raven. "He's been here a couple years."

"He's new to your foolishness," said Karane. "I've had to deal with it for years!"

"Go to your room!" said Ms. Raven.

"NO!" said Karane. "Unless Link can come with me!"

"I suppose he can," said Karane's mom. "You two can spend some quality time together!"

"Okay! Let's go!" said Karane, grabbing Link's arm to drag him off. Link remained where he was.

"Come on, Link," said Karane. "Let's have a tea party!" 

"No," said Link. "Link no like you."

"Okay, so Link said no," said Ms. Raven. "I'll just take him to his room!"

Karane fell over and threw a tantrum and starting blubbering nonsensically about how Link never wanted to play with her and how he would rather be with Zelda.

"Now, now, Link can make his own choices," said Ms. Raven. "No need to cry!"

Ms. Raven then proceeded to guide Link, who was trying to refuse in any way possible.

Suddenly, Gaepora spontaneously appeared and said, "So, how are you two buddies doing?"

"Good," grouched Ms. Raven, but you could tell that she was less than happy following Link around.

"So, no problems?" asked Gaepora.

"Well, yeah, there are some," said Ms. Raven. "For instance, he…"  
"Not in front of him! Come to my office and talk about it!" said Gaepora.

Link dropped to the floor cross-legged and shook his head back and forth while covering his ears.

Ms. Raven glanced at Link uneasily.

"He'll be fine. Come now," said Gaepora calmly.


	32. Ms Raven gets her act together

When Gaepora and Ms. Raven got to his office, he asked her, "So, Link is causing problems for you today?"

"Yes!" said Ms. Raven. "He never obeys anyone! If you tell him not to do something, he just smirks and does it more!"

"That's Link for you," said Gaepora. "Didn't I warn you?"

"Yes, but I never imagined it to be this bad! He's a rascal!" said Ms. Raven.

"I know!" said Horwell Horwell, climbing in through Gaepora's window.

Gaepora glared at Horwell Horwell until he went away.

"Is that all?" asked Gaepora.

"Well, he never stays still either," said Ms. Raven.

"I know!" said Gaepora proudly.

"What?" asked Ms. Raven excitedly.

"He needs a leash!"cried Gaepora, pulling it out of his desk drawer. "I've been saving this baby for a special moment like this one!"

"That's kind of creepy," said Ms. Raven.

"Use it!" yelled Gaepora, leaning over his desk. Drops of saliva spread all over Ms. Raven.

"Very well, then," said Ms. Raven, taking the brown leather leash. "Why would they even make a leash in Link's size?"

"It even says Link on it!" Gaepora gushed, hugging himself.

"He won't like this," said Ms. Raven, walking out of the office. "I'll give it a try, though."

Ms. Raven strolled over to where she left Link. Link was still sitting cross-legged on the floor, and he was still shaking his head with his hands over his ears. 

"Okay, Link, we've got things to do!" said Ms. Raven, pretending to be cheerful although she was clearly nervous.

"Eh?" asked Link, taking his hands off of his ears. He grinned mischievously and continued his pattern as if he had not been interrupted.

"Weirdo," mumbled Ms. Raven. She clicked her tongue at Link, this time amping up the false cheeriness so much that it sounded really fake. "Let's go for a walk! C'mon! Up, up, up!"

Link shook his head harder. Ms. Raven extended her hand so that she could boost Link up.

Link seemed to be in great distress from having had his ritual broken up. He began whining, and it was evident that if not comforted, he would soon be crying.

"Let's go outside, boo. The weather is lovely!"

Link obstinately complained and stomped his foot. Ms. Raven gently guided him.

"Oh, no," said Link, suddenly stopping and grabbing himself.

"What?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Gotta pee," said Link.

"Let's go on a walk outside first. It won't take too long. C'mon," urged Ms. Raven.

"No! Gotta pee now!" complained Link.

"Is it an emergency?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Yeh," said Link.

"Fine! Be like that! Go, and come back here as soon as you're done!" said Ms. Raven. "I just wanted to spend some time getting to know you!"

Link scurried off as if there was a fire. Ms. Raven sighed and examined the leash, which had a harness. "How can I earn his trust?" she wondered.

Link was in no hurry once he reached his destination and took his time coming back.

"There you are!" said Ms. Raven. "Wanna go out now?"  
"No," said Link. "Link go pee!"  
"You just went, didn't you?" asked Ms. Raven,.

Link pointed outside. "Link go now?"

"Yes, that's what I've been asking for you to do," said Ms. Raven. She finally got Link to follow her outside.

Once outside, Ms. Raven made the bold move to show Link the leash. She slowly pulled it out and dared to ask Link his opinion. Once the dreaded leash was exposed, Link instantly showed his feelings toward it by hissing and drawing back.

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad," Ms. Raven tried to convince Link, but she had to admit that it was awful.

Link tackled Ms. Raven down. "Link no like you!"

Link felt betrayed. He thought this horrible woman was finally going to be nice to him, and then this! No way was he going to be put on a leash!

Ms. Raven had to walk in the academy very beat up later that day.

"How'd it go?" asked Gaepora rhetorically.

"Awful. Now he really hates me, and it turns out despite having only a few teeth, he can bite HARD," said Ms. Raven.

"I thought you had experience with special education," said Gaepora.

"Yes! I do! I taught at a special school before!" Ms. Raven insisted. "Not one child was as malevolent as Link, though. Not a single one!"

"Link doesn't mean to harm people," said Gaepora. "I'm not sure if he knows that his actions can be hurtful."

"Well, he should learn! He's not a baby anymore!" cried Ms. Raven, throwing down the dilapidated leash.

"Everyone learns stuff in their own time," said Gaepora. "Please, just be more patient with Link."

"I'm trying, but it's hard when he doesn't do anything people tell him to!" said Ms. Raven. "I'm not sure I can take another day of this nonsense!"

"Have you ever talked it out with Link?" asked Gaepora.

"That conversation would be blatantly one-sided," said Ms. Raven  
"Link will listen. I know he will,' said Gaepora. "The thing is that you shouldn't be bossy or selfish. Link has a part in this, too, you know. You need to work together!"

"Link does not know the meaning of cooperate!" said Ms. Raven.

"He's smart," said Gaepora. "Speak more slowly. He'll get it. I know he will."

"Why the heck do I have to speak slowly?" screeched Ms. Raven. "He just needs to listen better!"

Gaepora sucked in his cheeks and stared at Ms. Raven. "Maybe you need to listen better, too," he suggested. "Link may not be able to speak fully, but he sure does have other ways of expressing of himself."

"Like what?!" spat Ms. Raven. "He's just a blank empty shell capable only of making things difficult for others!"

"Don't say that," said Gaepora. 'He's just uneasy around new people. He has trust issues. He'll break out of it when you can show him that you aren't here to hurt him or boss him around."

"How can I do that when he wants nothing to do with me?" worried Ms. Raven.

"Just show compassion and kindness. If you treat him roughly, he will do the same. After all, why should he obey someone who is so harsh? Loosen up a little, MAH DOY!" Gaepora lectured Ms. Raven. "And don't ever go into his room without permission again. You can go home for now, and tomorrow, I want to see you being a little easier on the poor guy!"

"Yes, sir!" said Ms. Raven.


	33. Just More Random Crazy Stuff

Things only got worse when Link spotted Ms. Raven sitting and waiting for him.

"No! Link no like!" Link whined. His face obviously looked very sleepy and tired, like a toddler who had woken up from a nap only to find a disappointment.

"Link, calm down," said Ms. Raven. "You can come back for lunch!"

Link hissed at Ms. Raven. Then, the Hyena's mixing spoon suddenly caught his curiosity. "Link like," said Link, purring. He ran over and tried to seize the spoon from the old lady's hand.

Hyena got cross and grabbed Link's wrist very hard. "Young man, do NOT take my spoon!" she yelled. "Leave the kitchen now! You will get no soup today!"

Link covered his eyes and wailed.

"Is it just me, or does he get worse and worse every day?" Hyena asked.

Link again tried to steal the spoon which for an unknown reason captured his interest greatly.

The Hyena this time got angry again and this time abruptly stopped stirring her soup. She then whacked Link over the head. "Stop it, you brat!"

Link stepped back and cried out. "No!"

Ms. Raven ran over. "Why are you hitting him? That's so sad!"

"Because he's a brat!" whined the Hyena. "He's trying to steal my antique mixing spoon! That was my wedding gift!"

"So? Just tell him to stop! He listens... not!" said Ms. Raven.

Link was standing with a shocked and innocent look on his face.

"Are you okay, baby?" Ms. Raven asked.

"No!" said Link. He pointed to the Hyena. "Link no like!"

"I don't like her either!" said Ms. Raven. "I'm going to tattle on her to the headmaster so she can be fired!"

"I've been working at this dump since it opened!" Hyena screeched.

"If you think this a dump, then why don't you quit?!" yelled Ms. Raven.

"Because I get residency here!" said Hyena.

"What does that mean?" asked Ms. Raven.  
Before the hyena could answer, Zelda stormed into the kitchen.

"Where's Link?!" she demanded.

Link raised his hand.

"Link Rinku, you never came to the waterfall!" wailed Zelda.

Link looked at her guiltily. Then, he perked up and pointed the Hyena. "Link no like!"

"Why not?" asked Zelda. "She cooks delicious soup and nurtures all the children!"

"Link no like," Link insisted.

"She hit Link!" cried Ms. Raven, dabbing away a tear.

"Poor Link!' said Zelda. "Are you okay?"

"No," said Link sullenly. "Put my hand to your face?"

"Not right now, Link," said Zelda. "I'm telling my father about this!"

Just then, her father walked in. "Is this the party?" he asked jokingly.

"No," said Luigi.

Hyena picked Luigi up. "Get your sorry life out of here before you become part of my soup!"  
"Now you're threatening people," said Karane, who was sitting in the room intently reading a book on knight training.

"Shut your sorry mouth!" screamed the Hyena. "Get out!"

Karane looked shocked and about to cry.

"Stop insulting my friend!" Zelda said to the Hyena. "Why are you insulting my friends?"

"And your friend's mom!" said Ms. Raven.

"I just wanna cook soup in peace!" cried the Hyena, throwing her arms up. "Sheesh, is that too much to ask?"

Luigi flew out of her grip and out the window behind her. He landed in a pipe that was illogically sticking out of the ground and fell through.

Zelda gave Link a comforting pat on the shoulder. Link made kissy faces at her. "Link like!" he purred.

Ms. Raven gently took Link from Zelda. "I have to show Link some new things I made," she said.

Link purred again, and than began breathing excitedly and rubbing his hands together. Ms. Raven took Link to her inconveniently placed office.

"Now, look here, Rinku," she coaxed Link. "Here is stuff that will help you in class."

Twenty minutes later, Ms. Raven and Link were playing with legos.

Karane burst in without permission.

"Why are you here?" asked Ms. Raven.

"You need to get to work!" said Karane. "Not play with legos!"

"But, Raney, dear, this is helping Link with constructive skills!" said Ms. Raven.

"Tough luck! I need you out here with me now!" demanded Karane.

"Is it an emergency?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Yes!" squealed Karane.

"What is it?" said Ms. Raven.

"I need a nurse! I'm sick! Something is wrong!" said Karane.

"What kind of sick?" asked Ms. Raven.

"I'm hot! Maybe I have a fever!" said Karane.

When Ms. Raven was distracted, Link added a whole bunch of legos to the tower that he and Ms. Raven were supposed to be taking turns with.

"Okay, Raney, let me feel your head," said Ms. Raven.  
Karane inched toward Ms. Raven.

"You're a little hot, but I don't think you have a fever," said Ms. Raven.

"I do! I do! I do, I do, I do!" screamed Karane, stomping her foot.

"I don't have a thermometer with me right now, dear," said Ms. Raven.

"Why- did you call me dear?!" screamed Karane. "I don't even know you!"

"But you came out of me, dear," said Ms. Raven droopily.

"I did? When?" asked Karane.

"Years ago, I don't remember how many," said Ms. Raven, distracted by trying to clean up the legos that Link got everywhere.

"21?" asked Karane.

"No, dear, you're not 21," said Ms. Raven. Link had his shirt off for an unknown reason. His chest had many bruises from all the times he hit himself.

"Darn," said Karane, her voice dropping.

Ms. Raven was trying to coax Link to put his shirt back on.

"Mom, why did I come out of you?" asked Karane.

"Because you needed to be born, but sometimes I wish that never happened," said Ms. Raven, locating Link's shirt.

Karane wet her pants and then started crying because they were wet. "You got my pants wet!" she wailed, pointing to Link.

Link felt guilty and hit himself, even though he couldn't possible have gotten Karane's pants wet.

Ms. Raven finally got Link to put his shirt back on. 'No stripping, Rinku," she gently reminded him./

"Why not?" asked Link.

"Stripping is a no-no," said Ms. Raven.

'No, no, no," said Link.

"That's right!" said Ms. Raven.

"Okay, Link, look at all you learned today!" said Ms. Raven. "You learned about constructive leisure activities, taking turns..."

"I need new pants!" yelled Karane.

"Why would I have new pants for you?" asked Ms. Raven.

"Because I'm a poor little girl who changes her pants often!" said Karane.

"Link has changes of pants, though," said Ms. Raven.

"Why him and not me?" asked Karane.

"Because Link idea of fun is farting!" said Ms. Raven.

"How does that entitle him to new pants?" asked Karane.

"You don't want to know," said Ms. Raven.

Link smiled at Karane.

"Don't smile at me! I'm uncomfortable!" wailed Karane.

Link smiled harder. Karane screamed and threw her hat off. "I think I'll strip too!" she yelled impulsively. Everyone else in the Academy heard that.

"Please don't," said Ms. Raven. "And Link has a beautiful smile! Perfect for picture day tomorrow!"

Link smiled as hard as he could.

"Pictures? Tomorrow? After I removed a chunk of my hair to give to Zelda who betrayed me and threw it away?" Karane stressed.

"Put your hat back on. No one will see," Ms. Raven reassured Karane.


	34. Picture Day and craziness from Karane

The next day, it was picture day.

All the students were waiting patiently. All except for Link.

"Where is that beautiful young man?" asked Horwell Horwell. "I know he was looking forward to this!"

Link had somehow met the cameraman before it was time and was over enthusiastically greeting him.

"Hi, pretty girl! I'll take your picture later, so save that, um..._interesting_... smile!" said the cameraman.

"Uh-uh," said Link. He knew he was not a girl. He then got escorted away for trying to prove it.

"First, I'm taking Cawlin's picture because C is for Cawlin is Cawlin is for me!" said the cameraman. Cawlin was so short he barely showed up in the picture. And he was frowning.

"Ugly," said the cameraman. "Next!"

Next was pathetic Fledge. He smiled very weakly and also he has red cheeks and grey hair. At least he did a better job than Cawlin did.

The cameraman gave him a lollipop for doing better than Cawlin.

Groose barged in and pushed Fledge off the seat. "It's Groose time!" he announced. He began repetitively stroking his pompadour in preparation, and eventually the cameraman got tired of waiting and took Groose's picture while he was stroking his hair.

"Hey! Don't rush me!" said Sick Groose.

"Uh oh," said the cameraman's assistant. "Karane is next!"

"Is she that pretty girl who was so happy to see me?" asked the cameraman.

"No, she's never happy," said the assistant. "She's a jerk! You'll never get her to smile!"

Karane stomped in with her hair untied for once and her clothes a sloppy mess. Her face looked like she had tried too hard with makeup. "Make it snappy," she snapped.

"Smile and say cheese!" said the cameraman,.

"I hate cheese," said Karane.

Horwell Horwell went and whispered something into the cameraman's ear.

"Okay.." said the cameraman. "Smile and say Pipit!"

Karane flashed a huge fake smile.

"We'll have to retake hers," whispered the cameraman's assistant with clenched teeth. Karane was already stomping off.

"Okay! Link is next! She's so pretty!" giggled the cameraman. "Her smile is unusual, though."

"Should we edit his photo? Do a touch-up?" asked the assistant.

"His parents will think we sent them a picture of a complete stranger," said the cameraman. "Just go with it."

Link was all ready. He was smiling so hard.

"You look constipated," said the cameraman's assistant. "Don't smile that hard!"

Link continued smiling very hard so they just took his picture.

When the picture showed up at Alfon's house, Alfon said, "Duh...I thought Link was still in the hospital! And why does he look so constipated? I will write a letter to the headmaster about this!"

In 3 days, the letter showed up in Gaepora's office. The headmaster never read the letter. Instead, he ate it. As Gaepora chewed, Karane stormed into his office without knocking.

"Excuse me! Fatty fat fat! Link is beating up my mom!" she yelled.

"Hold on! Let me finish my snack!" said Gaepora. A shred of paper flew out of his mouth.

Karane did a facepalm.

Gaepora swallowed and then said, "First of all, why is your mom even here?"

"You hired her," said Karane sourly, leaning across Gaepora's desk.

"When did I do that?" said Gaepora.

"You wanted her to assist Link, remember?" Karane asked.

"Link can get along on his own. Send her out of here!'" said Gaepora, waving his hand through the air.

"No," said Karane, taking a pencil out of her pocket and putting it between her lips. "I want her to stay here!" A sinister expression crossed her face for a moment.

"Uh, doy... don't chew on pencils," said Gaepora, who had just eaten paper.

"I can do what I want, fatty fat fat!" said Karane, sliding the pencil in further.

"I'm not fat!" wailed Gaepora.

"You've never looked at your belly," said Karane. "It is very huge"

Gaepora's face looked the same way it did when Link splashed fire extinguisher fluid on him.

Karane then strode out of the room with a suspicious smirk on her face.


	35. Link saves the day

Gaepora eventually left his office to see that Link in fact was beating up Ms. Raven. He had her down on the ground and was mercilessly punching her.

"Link why?!" he yelled, shoving Link off of her. "Karen, are you OK?" he asked . "I think so," said Ms. Raven. "I don't know what has gotten into him. He attacked me for no reason."

Gaepora glared at Link. "Link, seriously, why are you beating up on a poor old lady?"

"I'm not old!" squealed Ms. Raven. "I am 40 years old!"

Link just shook his head. His hair had grown significantly longer since the beginning of this story. It now flopped back and forth as he shook his head.

Karane then stomped in. "Did you get him good?" she asked Gaepora.

"No, no," said Gaepora. "Violence is not the answer."

"But that jerk beat up my mother!" cried Karane. "What is his problem?!"

Gaepora daringly put his hand on Karane's shoulder. Karane, of course, shoved it off.

"Don't touch me, mister!" she snapped.

"Yeah," said Ms. Raven. "Don't touch her, mister!" She then got off of the floor.

"Do I work here?" she asked, confusedly.

"In your dreams," scoffed Gaepora. "Why would I hire a fool like you?"

"How am I a fool?" Ms. Raven asked. "I do what is best for Link and- HE'S PEEING ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW! GET HIM!"

"Not the beautiful floor! He knows better than that! I installed that 25 yers ago, when I was 40 just like Ms. Raven! Now I'm 65! Why am I so old?" Gaepora cried hysterically and fell over sobbing.

Zelda came in, patted the old man's back for comfort and then whispered gently, "Link peed on the floor."

"I know!" said an old man on a magic carpet, flying in through the window. "Isn't it beautiful?" (This old man's name is Gwonam, by the way).

Zelda shrieked in horror. "Aaaggghhh! Get. Out! I own this building and you are tresspassing on my property!" She grabbed the carpet out from underneath him, rolled it up and began hitting him on the head with it over and over again.

"I want to beat him up too!" said Ms. Raven. She got up, grabbed her purse and began helping Zelda hit Gwonam. Gwonam snapped his fingers and a new carpet appeared. He jumped on and yelled, "Squa da la! We are off!", took Zelda with him and flew away.

"No!" Cried Gaepora. "An old man took my doy!"

Link reappeared in the room. "Link gotta pee!" He announced.

"You just went on the floor, IDIOT!" yelled Ms. Raven, using a sour tone often used only by Karane.

"No," said Luigi, coming in.

"Why does Luigi always come in at random times?!" yelled Karane, about ready to pull her hair out.

Luigi pulled out a scroll. "It says here that only Link can send dinner," Luigi read.

Link patted his stomach.

"Who can save Zelda from the old man?" asked Karane.

"Hey! Zelda loves her old man!" Gaepora objected.

"Not you, the magic carpet guy," Karane said, sounding like an exasperated teenager.

"Oh, okay," said Gaepora.

"Wait a minute!" said Luigi. "Zelda shouldn't have to be rescued twice in one story! She'll be back in ten minutes! It says so here!" He pointed to the scroll that he was still holding.

"Okay, my doy," sighed Gaepora.

"Link pee?" Link asked.

"Save it," grouched Ms. Raven. She stumbled toward the time-out chair. Link followed her and tried to sit in her lap.

"Get off of me," said Ms. Raven. Link clung onto her as hard as he could.

Horwell Horwell stuck his head out of the classroom door. "Where are all my students?"

"Here's one!" said Gaepora, picking up Link off of Ms. Raven's lap and handing him to Horwell Horwell. "Be careful," he whispered. "Link is fragile-and heavy!"

"He's a big, strong boy," said Horwell Horwell delicately. "Come on now." He gently coaxed Link into the classroom.

Horwell Horwell guided Link to the front of the room. "Students, this is Link. He peed on the floor today!"

Crickets chirped. Nobody was in the room. The crickets belonged to Groose's friend, Strich.

Link burst out crying. Horwell patted Link's shoulder. "There, there. We all have accidents."

"Link had an accident? Ha!" said Sick Groose, filing into the room.

Link cried harder.

"Groose, not right now. Link just had an accident and now he's sad," said Horwell Horwell. "And watch out for crickets."

Groose sat down on a cricket by accident. Strich ran into the room panicking. "No! My baby!" he cried.

Groose punched the ostrich.

"Ow!" Ostrich complained. "What was that for? You've hurt me and you've hurt my bugs. You're awful!"

"You're awful," said Groose as he threw the dead cricket at Strich.

Link was still standing at the front of the room.

"You can sit down now," said Horwell Horwell. As Link sat down, Gwonam flew through the window and dropped Zelda off. Link gave Zelda a look of concern. He wanted to make sure that Zelda was okay because she was always looking out for him.

Zelda interpreted Link's facial expression perfectly. Zelda and Link had literally been friends forever, so Zelda didn't let Link's speech issue get in the way and was able to understand him just by looking at his face. "I'm fine, Link," Zelda said. "Gwonam and I just had a feast."

Link nodded his head understandingly. "Eh," he said.

"Zelda, no talking during class!" said Horwell, whose mouth had been running nonstop with boring facts about dumb educational stuff.

"But I was only-" Zelda started, but Horwell Horwell walked up to her and clapped his hand over her mouth. "Enough!" he said. "You must take responsibility for your actions!"

Zelda struggled to free her face from Horwell's strong grip, but Horwell Horwell held fast.

Link did not want to see his best friend treated like this. He was pretty sure that wasn't even legal. He leapt from his seat and tackled Horwell Horwell from behind.

"Get off of me, pest!" Horwell shot.

"No way, you Sick Groose!" Link groaned. He could not let Horwell do this to Zelda. When would Horrible Horwell let go?

Link went around to Horwell's side and grasped Horwell's hand.

"I told you to get off of me! Let go!" said Horwell Horwell.

Link got very angry with Horwell at that point. He got so mad that he forgot to watch out for his special hand. If I haven't mentioned it before, and even if I have, I'll tell you (and possibly again) that Link had a very special birthmark on the back of his left hand. It was shaped like a triforce, a special marking that beckoned visions of both the past and the future. The real triforce was not known by many, but would be in the future, and the triforce was a powerful symbol in the past. One day, the triforce would hold together a vast kingdom but for now, all the power was harnessed into the hand of a young boy. Poor Link would store up too much energy which would activate a primitive form of electricity in his hand. Link gave appealing handshakes and massages due to the warm tingling beneath his skin that rose to the surface and could give a surprising shock if awakened.

Anyway, Link was so angry that his hand got very hot and began to spark. Link knew that he needed to cool off or things could get dangerous. Too late! The power exploded out of his hand and hit Horwell Horwell. Sparks rained from the triforce marking like the feathers of The Imprisoned. Horwell, of course was electrocuted and fell over in pain. Link gave Zelda a look for approval.

"Is… is he going to be alright?" Zelda asked.

Link looked at Horwell's limp but not dead body and shrugged.

"Oh well, let's go tell my dad," said Zelda. "We can't leave him here, no matter how evil he is."

Just then, one of Ghirahim's evil spirits that he sent out to activate monsters (such as Scaldera and Koloktos) flew up from Horwell's body and disappeared.

"That was creepy," said Strich.

"Can you get rid of mine now?" asked Karane.

"You have an evil spirit in you?" Zelda asked in shock.

"Must be, I wouldn't be so aggressive for no reason," said Karane.

Zelda turned to Link. "Fire up another one!" she said.

Link rubbed his sore hand and gave Zelda an irritated look. He hadn't expected people to take advantage of his hand like that. But now he knew the secret to saving people.


	36. How is Link a hero

"How is Link a hero when he isn't even potty-trained?!" Groose jeered.

"He is too potty-trained, aren't you baby?" Zelda asked Link. Link was leaning his head against Zelda.

"I heard that Link hurt Horwell Horwell," said Gaepora, coming up to Zelda. "That is not allowed in my academy! Horwell Horwell is my best friend! Look what you've done now!"

"He saved me!" said Zelda. "Link is a hero! He deserves to be student of the month!"

"But he always pees on the floor," whined Groose.

"He does not!" Zelda snapped. "It was just that one time!"

"True heroes know how to control themselves," said Groose. "If Link could control himself, he would be much more mature and dignified!"

"No one here is really mature," said Zelda. "Except for me! My 18th birthday is coming up! What a special day!"

"Zelda," Gaepora said, trying to firmly redirect his daughter. "Do not brag about your age. Karane is older. She's turning 20, mah doy!"

"She's so old!" said Zelda.

"Hey!" said Karane. "With age comes wisdom."

"Not in Link's case," said Groose. "He just seems to be getting dumber!"

"Poor Link," said Zelda. "He's just special!" She put her lips to his long unruly hair.

"Special? You mean stupid!" scoffed Groose.

"Admit it, Groosie," said Zelda. "You're just jealous because Link gets all the attention!"

"Hah, he's just being babied because people don't want to teach him about real life!" said Groose. "The world is cruel, and Little Linky just needs to toughen up!"

Link was taken aback. Was the world really so cruel? All his life he had taken things so easy because nobody had ever told him the rude words that were flung at him now and lately. He thought people actually cared about him. He thought he had the life! Suddenly, he realized that his childhood was ending. He was no longer wanted. He was a reject. He had failed. Link quietly left the area and headed to his dorm room. (Who knows why he had one)

"Where is Link going?" asked Zelda.

"Groose scared him away!" said Gaepora. "And he's in trouble anyway. He can't injure other people."

"He was protecting me!" said Zelda. "It was the only way to cure Horwell! He needs to shock Karane, too."

"I have the feeling that I'm not getting the full story here," Gaepora said. "How did Link shock Horwell?"

"He was possessed, like I am!" screamed Karane, tearing through the hallway. "Cure me! Help me! Save me!"

Gaepora motioned to Zelda and made the "cuckoo" sign.

"Wait!" said Zelda. "Do you hear someone crying?"

Everyone stopped. You could indeed hear someone sobbing.

"Is that Link crying? Why would he cry?" Zelda asked.

"He must have been upset by Groose's harsh words. Let him be for now," said Gaepora.

"I will make him feel better," said Zelda, rushing down the hall.

Link began wailing as if in pain.

Zelda ran faster. "He sounds hurt! I hope he didn't hurt himself!" she cried.

She ran and flung Link's door open.

Link was curled up on the floor in pain. He had stabbed himself with his sword.

"Link?! No, why?! Ugh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I can't believe you… please tell me this isn't happening! Why why why? You can't… you didn't… ahhhhhhhh!" Zelda screamed.

Zelda ran out of the room.

"Doddy, come quick! Link stabbed himself!" Zelda screamed.

"Good, he deserves it," said Groose.

Gaepora ran like he had never ran before. His fat giant belly jiggled violently. He stopped in Link's room and saw Link lying there. "Why, Link, why?!" Gaepora asked. "Zelda, call 911."

"No. You call 911," said Zelda. "I feel too weak to explain this."

"Would you rather assess the damage?" Gaepora asked.

"No, I'll call!" said Zelda. She ran to the phone that was attached to the wall and hurriedly dialed 911.

"Guess who got a job as a 911 operator?" Alfon answered excitedly.

"Oh, no," sighed Zelda. "Alfon, your nephew stabbed himself with his sword and is bleeding everywhere."

"Ummm… doy," said Alfon. "I'll send the paramedics! Bee-do, bee-do, bee-do, bee, do…"

Alfon was imitating a siren.

Zelda hung up in frustration.

Gaepora called Zelda over. "My doy, the cut isn't too deep. It's in his belly."

"He couldn't have been trying to kill himself then," said Zelda. "Otherwise he would stab his chest or neck."

"What was he thinking?" Gaepora asked. "Was this intentional?"

Link tried to move his head but flopped over in the pain and began crying all over again.

"Hold on, boo," said Zelda. "Help is on the way. And when you heal up, I want to know why you did this!"

As the paramedics arrived, Link made Zelda the "I love you" sign.

"I love you too, Link. You're a great friend," said Zelda. "Heal quickly! I'll be thinking of you!"

The two blew kisses and Link was then taken away.

Zelda just couldn't wrap her head around why Link had stabbed himself.


	37. Kiwi Cove

The next day, after Zelda's anxious waiting, Gaepora told her that someone had interpreted Link and he had said that he stabbed his stomach because he was hungry and it wouldn't stop growling.

"That's stupid," said Zelda.

"Why don't you tell him that?" asked Gaepora. "Luckily it wasn't the master sword he used. Instead, he stole our only practice sword with a really dull blade. He didn't cut that far, so he just got stitches and should be coming back soon. He did not get his actual stomach."

When Link came back, he instantly ran up to Zelda and pulled up his shirt to show her his stitches.

"Ew, don't show me those," said Zelda.

Link lifted his shirt up farther to show Zelda his chest.

"Stop!" Zelda squealed. She tried to run from Link but he ripped his whole shirt off and then started cornering her. "Give me mercy!" Zelda cried.

Link grabbed Zelda's hand and started rubbing it. "What is this all about?" Zelda shrieked.

Link just smiled and flipped his hair. "Ehhhaghhhehhh…" he said while giggling.

"This is not funny, Rinku!" said Zelda. "This is going a little too far!"

"Back up, Rinku," Gaepora directed Link. "You're in Zelda's personal space."

Link ran up to Gaepora like a puppy. "Link like!" he purred.

"Like what?" Gaepora asked. Link pointed to Zelda.

"Don't touch her, my doy," said Gaepora.

"Why?" asked Link hoarsely.

"Would you like a glass of water?" Gaepora asked Link. "Your throat sounds dry!"

Link nodded.

"How about student milk?" Karane sang, coming into the atrium. She held up a glass of milk.

Link grabbed for the glass.

"No, no, no, you must say please!" said Karane.

Link grabbed for the glass of milk again and accidentally ended up hitting Karane in a way he shouldn't and got detention despite the fact that it was an accident.

Karane ended up having a milk stain on her shirt, and Link had to take a sponge and wipe it off while she was wearing it and got in trouble for touching her again.

Later that day, Gaepora's old fat man voice came over the intercom: _Attention all students: Today Horwell Horwell is not teaching and will be substituted by Ms. Raven. I am sitting down while saying this. Link is sitting in my lap for detention. Therefore I cannot move to resolve any problems. Why is my lap wet?!… ahhhhhhhh…._

The intercom cut off.

Sick Groose began laughing. "Ha ha ha, what a lame excuse for a headmaster!"

"Watch it!" said Zelda. "You're talking about my dad"!

"Why is your boyfriend in jhis lap?" Groose asked.

"For a timeout! Don't you know anything?" asked Zelda.

"I think he peed on your fat dad's lap," said Groose.

"So what? That's his problem and not mine," said Zelda.

"It will be a big embarrasement to Link to go to class with a wet spot," said Groose.

"He'll change," said Zelda.

"For the better or for the worse?" Groose jeered.

"Shut up!" said Zelda.

Gaepora came down the stairs with Link, who had no pants on.

"Where are Link's pants?" asked Zelda.

"It's a long story," said Gaepora.

Link tried to hug Zelda.

"Ew!" said Zelda. "Gross! You're all wet!"

Ms. Raven stuck her head out the classroom door. "Please come in the class, children," she said.

Link ran in the classroom and sat down on a bench (sideways, too!) so abruptly that he slid off. He then wailed in disappointment.

"Come on, Rinku," said Ms. Raven. "Get up!" She then helped Link get up. "Sit in the front so I can keep an eye on you," she said. The next person to come in was Zelda, who had changed her dress. "Here I am!" she said.

"No dramatic entrances, Zelda," said Ms. Raven. "I plan to put this place in better shape than Horrible Horwell Horwell did. I will have no nonsense here!" She then began ranting in Hylian.

"Where are the other students?" she demanded.

Karane walked in.

"Oh, sweetie, you're not in this class," said Ms. Raven.

Karane gave Ms. Raven a sour look. "I am now," she said. "I was moved."

"Okay, fine, be like that," said Ms. Raven edgily. "Sit down right now!"

Karane sat down angrily.

Strich came in and left a note on Ms. Raven's desk.

"How dare you interrupt!" said Ms. Raven. "I know you're not supposed to be in here!"

"Why couldn't we just have Owlan teach? He probably knows more than you do," mumbled Strich.

"In your dreams!" howled Ms. Raven. "Today I am in charge! My maiden name is Grusi!"

"That's my last name!" said Karane.

"I changed my name to protect myself," said Ms. Raven.

"From what? The police?" scoffed Karane.

"No!" said Ms. Raven. "It's a long story! Now, get out of here, Strich!"

Strich scurried off.

"What kind of junk is this paper he gave me?" Ms. Raven asked. She threw it off her desk. "Now, you must tell me the thing you must never do while flying! Muahuahuaha!"

Karane raised her hand.

"Yes?" Ms. Raven asked.

"Go psycho," said Karane.

Ms. Raven wrote "go psycho" on the board.

"It smells like p#### in here," whinedZelda.

"I wonder why?!" snapped Ms. Raven sarcastically. "Seriously, you're here to work on your behavior, and you act like this! Zelda, name one thing you must never do while flying and watch your potty mouth!"

"Go pee?" Zelda asked wimpily.

"No," said Ms. Raven. She threw Horwell's apple off of the desk and it hit Zelda in the head.

Karane was doing a facepalm because she was embarrassed with her mom's behavior.

"Ow," complained Zelda.

"Enough of that complaining!"barked Ms. Raven. "Even Link could give a better answer than that?"

Link was shaking his head back and forth while covering his ears.

"Maybe not," Ms. Raven said.

"What happened to Horwell?" Karane whispered.

"You know what happened to Horwell," snapped Zelda. "He died."


	38. Who is dead and who is alive

"What?!" Karane screamed. "Oh no, he did-n't!"

"He did," Zelda insisted. "Link killed him."

"That's murder!" said Karane. "Oh, Horwell!" Karane began crying and then used her hat to wipe her tears.

"Look on the bright side, Karane," said Zelda. "Your mom is here!"

"I always wanted to get away from her," sobbed Karane. "I wanted to go this school! I wanted to follow my dreams and stay away from her foolishness!"

"I heard that," said Ms. Raven. "Why do you think I am foolish?"

"You always make a big show out of things and embarrass me! You ruin my social life!" wailed Karane. "And on top of that, my favorite teacher died!"

"Horwell is your favorite teacher? But I thought you hated him!" said Ms. Raven. "At least that's what he said on all of your progress reports."

"He told you that I hate him?!" screamed Karane. "He can't give away that kind of information!"

"Yes, he can," said Ms. Raven.

"No he can't!" screamed Karane, grabbing a chair and throwing it at her mom.

Ms. Raven stupidly ducked.

"Why didn't it hit you?!" roared Karane. "Why can't you go away?"

Link closed his eyes and covered his ears tighter. He then proceeded to mumble to himself. "Oh, no, oh, no, oh oh oh! Oh, no no no, nah!"

"I honestly thought she was doing better," said Zelda. She ran over to try to comfort Link, who swatted her away and curled up into a ball.

"Doy," said Gaepora, coming in the room. "I brought popcorn!" He held up a buttery paper bag of popcorn. "Anybody want some?"

"What for?" asked Zelda.

"To celebrate the fact that Howell Horwell and Owlan are gone!" Gaepora cheered.

"Owlan is gone, too?" asked Karane.

"No," said Luigi.

"I thought Horwell and Owlan were your best friends," said Karane.

"They were, but not anymore. Now I'm old and have no friends!" Gaepora said, still too cheerful.

"This is really a sad moment," said Ms. Raven.

"I don't care," said Karane. "I just want some of that popcorn!"

"Where is Owlan?" asked Zelda.

"Here's his house address and phone number," said Gaepora handing Zelda the paper that Ms. Raven swatted off her desk. It was the paper that Strich had brought in.

"I have to go to his room," said Zelda.

"You won't see him there. You must go to his house if you have something to say to him," said Gaepora.

"Okay, fine," said Zelda. "I'll ask him why he left since you won't tell me."

Zelda set off on her trek alone to Owlan's house and when she finally got there, she knocked on the door. No answer. Zelda waited a few minutes and was about to knock again when something jumped out of the bush behind her and tackled her.

"Aaaahhhh!" screamed Zelda. "What was that?"

Whatever had tackled Zelda tipped her over and looked at her intently.

"Okay, what kind of nonsense is going on?" Zelda asked. "Go back to the academy, Rinku!"

Zelda got up, dusted herself off, pushed the intruder off of her and went to knock again

This time, Horwell burst out and glared at Zelda. "What are you doing here, inferior?" he asked. "Who goes there?"

"You're alive!" said Zelda. "I wuv you Horwell Horwell!" She tried to give him a hug.

Zelda was tackled again.

The next thing Horwell Horwell knew, Zelda was on top of him and Link was on top of Zelda.

"Get off of me!" said Zelda, shoving Link off of her.

"You get off of me!" said Horwell, getting up and dusting himself off. "What are you children doing at my house?"

"Your house? I thought this was Owlan's house!" said Zelda.

"It's mine now!" said Horwell. "I murdered Owlan and stole his house!"

"You did not," said Zelda #2, walking in.

"Who are you?" asked Zelda.

"I'm Zelda," said Zelda 2.

"I'm Zelda, also!" said Zelda. "Let's be best friends!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Horwell Horwell. "You just met, and you want to be best friends? Isn't that a little extreme?"

"No," said Luigi.

"I'm engaged to Luigi," said Zelda 2.

"You are? When are you getting married?" asked Zelda.

"Soon," said Zelda 2. "Anyway, I can help you find Owlan."

"I don't want to," said Zelda.

"Gwonam is my grandfather!" said Zelda 2.

"Gotta pee," said Link.

"Can you hold it a little longer?" asked Zelda 2.

Link made a very discomforted face, then shook his head.

"Try to, Link, because there isn't a potty available," said Zelda.

"Link gotta pee now! Now!" Link began squirming and hopping.

"Do you have a toilet in your house, Horwell?" asked Zelda.

"No," Horwell Horwell lied.

"Uh, oh!" Link said.

"You're lying," said Luigi.

Zelda hurried Link into the house. She went and started running around and opening random doors, which Link impatiently tugged on Zelda's hand and (much more inappropriately) at his pants.

"Hey! Stop invading my property!" Horwell cried.

"But Link is going to explode!" said Zelda. "He has to go potty now!"

"I can't let you use my restroom," said Horwell Horwell. "I'm hiding Owlan's body in there."


	39. The end is near

Link and Zelda screamed.

"Are you serious?" asked Zelda.

"I'm dead serious, and you two little losers better get out of my house before I call the cops on you!" said Horwell, who was acting very drunk.

"I'll call the cops on _you_!" Zelda said. "I cannot believe you killed a kind old man!"

"Link gotta pee!" Link reminded Zelda.

Zelda kicked open the restroom door and Link ran in as if his life depended on it. He trampled a limp Owlan and without closing the door for some unmanly reason peed while sitting down.

"Oh, gross!" said Zelda. "Link, close the door! And why do you sit down to pee?"

Link gave Zelda a look. He thought that was what he was supposed to do.

Zelda slammed the door in his face.

"You killed Owlan," said Zelda. "But why?"

"Because I wanted his house!" Horwell said. "And next, I'm going to steal Gwonam's house!"

"Grandpa!" said Zelda 2.

Zelda 1 patted her shoulder.

The two Zeldas then noticed that Link had been in the restroom for a very long time and was very quiet. Zelda 2 knocked on the door. "Rinku, are you alright in there?"

"How did you know I called him Rinku?" Zelda asked.

Zelda 2 shrugged.

Link did not answer.

"This…" said Zelda. "Is creepy and awkward."

Finally, Link hoarsely said, "Yeh."

He then finished up and stepped out.

"This is weird and creepy," said Zelda. "What if Horwell Horwell is possessed?"

Zelda 2 did not answer as she assessed Owlan. "He's still alive!" she said. "Just knocked out."

Link was cracking his knuckles on his left hand.

"Link, you've got to do something!" Zelda urged. "Cure Horwell. He's obviously still possessed. Fire up all your adrenaline!"

Link shook his head.

Groose's head popped out of the toilet.

"Need some help? I can make that loser real angry!" he said.

"Alright! Go for it!" Zelda said.

"Come here, Rinku!" Groose said.

Link wandered up to the toilet and started wondering if he should pee again.

"Now, Link, I want to give you some advice," said Groose.

"Eh?" asked Link, undeterred.

"You're a loser and you will never be able to do anything good," said Groose's head.

"Eh?" Link repeated.

"You probably have an IQ of, like, 50," Groose continued.

Link's triforce sparked.

"You always pee on the floor and probably need to wear diapers," said Groose.

Link reached for the flusher.

"I hope a bomb flower blows up in your face and permanently scars your incredible beauty!" Groose yelled.

Link growled as he felt the fire surging beneath his hand.

"And," continued the Groose head, "Zelda is mine! Get a life, imbecile!"

Link roared and a bright explosion filled the room. It was so big, that there was smoke.

The two Zeldas coughed and choked.

Owlan regained consciousness. "Huh? What happened?" he asked. "Why am I on my restroom floor? Why are there two Zeldas? And what is Horrorwell doing here?"

The original Zelda said, "Well, Horwell tried to steal your house because he's possessed. I don't know why there's another Zelda."

"I t was my calling to be here," said Zelda 2.

"Better now?" Zelda asked Horwell Horwell.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You were possessed," Zelda said as casually as if being possessed was a normal everyday thing.

The police eventually had to come clear the scene. They made sure Owlan was alright, which he surprisingly was, and escorted Horwell Horwell back to his house. They did not question the two Zeldas. They did not ask their names and just assumed that they were twins.

"Why is there a guy in the toilet?" they asked of Groose.

"I don't know how I got here, but I'm stuck," said Groose. You couldn't even tell if he had a body. He looked like just a head. Owlan flushed the toilet and Groose disappeared.

Zelda 2 turned to the first Zelda and said, "The end is near!"

"What?" said Zelda. "The end of what?"

"The end of Skyloft," Zelda 2 whispered hoarsely. "Save yourself. I was called here to help and warn you."

"What?! Why would Skyloft end? It is a place full of beauty and rich culture!" Zelda said.

"Skyloft was never meant to be permanent," said Zelda 2. "I must show you your new home. That is… if you survive!"

"Of course! I'm only 17! Almost 18! I must let my legacy live on!" Zelda insisted.

"Who will father your children?" said Zelda 2.

"What? I'm not ready yet…" said Zelda.

Link was marking his territory on a tree.

"He sure pees a lot," said Zelda 2.

"Yes, yes he does," said Zelda.

"You must trust my prophecy," said Zelda 2. "Come to Hyrule. You will be safe. You will live. Come now. Skyloft is ending."

Zelda gave Link a look.

Link looked back.

"Is this true…the words you speak?" Zelda asked.

"Yes," said Zelda 2. "That's why so much evil and corruption has gone on lately. Preserve your life. Balance the ecosystem. Skyloft will end."

"But will Hyrule be as beautiful as Skyloft?" Zelda asked.

"You are the chosen one. You and Link. Together, you will cultivate a more vast and beautiful land. Many more people will be born and live here. There is a diversity of lands. You've see the surface. Come, my fellow Zelda, come," Zelda 2 insisted.

"It will be hard to adjust," said Zelda. "And what about my doddy?"

"Only the chosen ones will be able to come. Your dad has not been chosen. He will fall into the destruction of Skyloft."

"How do you know this?" Zelda asked.

"I'm a prophet of Hylia," said Zelda 2. "I have received her messages."

"Why has my dad not been chosen?" Zelda asked.

"His health would not be capable of the winding journey to Hyrule," Zelda 2 said, with no tone of apology in her voice whatsoever.

Zelda began to cry. She never thought this beautiful skyland and her wonderful life there would end.

"Why is Link coming?" she asked. "His brain is barely capable of functioning normally!"

"To carry the Hylian line," said Zelda 2. "His birthmark was a sign right from the start."

"Wait-" said Zelda. "I hope you don't think I'm going to marry him!"

"You have seen through my slickness and subtleties," said Zelda 2. "And if your dad could lose some weight, he could come too."

Zelda rolled her eyes at the idea of marrying Link. How silly! "I'll get packing," she said.

"Good. I'll be waiting for whenever you're ready," said Zelda 2. "You really will like all the open space."

"I'll miss my loftwing," said Zelda.

"The loftwings won't die yet," said Zelda 2. "I'll train them to come to you until your generation dies off."

Zelda and the chosen ones then got ready for their life-changing journey.

The end


	40. Epilogue

Epilogue:

Most of the Skyloftians traveled to a primitive Hyrule, but Gaepora stayed behind to practice his exercise and diet plan. Zelda still strongly hoped that her father would be able to join her. The second Zelda mysteriously disappeared. All the Hylians began to try and make do with their large new land. Many of the students greatly missed the academy and the loftwings, but it turned out they could still fly back up to Skyloft.

"You're only adjusting," Zelda 2 had said. "Until Skyloft really ends, feel free to keep coming back."

Zelda finally agreed to marry Link, but not until at least another year.

Karane began to take her relationship with Pipit serious, and they remarried to make it official.

Everything seems to be okay now, but who knows what adventures will be around the corner?

**DON'T BE SAD! I'M MAKING A SEQUEL! **

**LACES 2: It's Groose time!**

Tell me what you think!

And what is Link's problem?


End file.
